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in many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work...


answers: 2
Apr 18, 2010, 01:06am   #
in many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking resposibility. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

I really want to know which band score the essay below can get in the IELTS test. Thanks so much!


Today, in modern societies, children usually are encouraged live independently from early age. Although almost all of them are raised and educated sufficiently, many children are involved in some paid work to earn money.

Firstly, some adults argue that it has a huge negative impact on the development of children. I have sympathy with this influencing in opinion. Childhood is a period of time which is the most important stage in life of a child influencing the thinking and personality of children. As a result, children are vulnerable to some negative and dangerous jobs which threat directly to children. For example, some paid work such as cleaner or waiter in nightclubs can be dangerous for the reason that children easily access to threatening environment which is full of criminal. The lack of experiences also results in unpredictable consequences.

Nevertheless, I believe that paid work brings a lot of benefits to children who are independent and intelligent. In fact, children can gain a lot of valuable experiencies and practical knowledge that they can not comprehend from theoretical subjects everyday at school. Furthermore, living independently early make children more confident that is extremely helpful to their life later. In addition, children learn how to solve problems when they have difficulties, and the way to adjust their behaviour in specific situations in real life which helps them to not only make friends but also maintain and strength their relationships. Besides, children are also aware of taking full responsibility for their acts.

In conclusion, in my opinion, some kinds of paid work affect badly to mental, physical and spiritual development of children. However, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Life teaches a lot of valuable lessons that children never learn at school.

Apr 18, 2010, 08:00am   #
Today, in modern societies, children usually are encouraged to live independently from early age.

Childhood is a period of time which is the most important stage in life of a child influencing the thinking and personality of children.

As a result, children are vulnerable to some negative and dangerous jobs which constitute explicit threats directly to children.

Furthermore, living independently early from earliest years make children more confident that is can be extremely helpful to their life later in the future.

In conclusion, in my opinion, some kinds of paid work affect badly negatively to mental, physical and spiritual development of children. However, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Life teaches a lot of valuable lessons that children never learn at school. - what is your opinion? Do you agree with both of views?

In many countries, including mine governments prohibited employment of children under certain age (in the case of my country - 15). Legislators assert that early employment of children distract them from study process, leaving less time for school and lessons. Moreover, it gives raise to children exploitation since they do the same work for less payment. Inappropriate working conditions may be harmful to child's growing organizm since children do not possess the same characteristics as adults.
I don't know how to score it. :-(

Great corrections, Azeri!

Hey, I think you should have more sentences in that first paragraph. Introduce the 2 sides of the argument and their reasons. Then, in the last sentence of the first paragraph, choose a side and argue for it!! :-)

Today In modern societies, children usually are encouraged live independently from early age. Too many commas make reading the essay like driving in bad traffic.



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