Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Universities should give the same amount of money to their students' sports activities as they give to their universities libraries. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
In recent year, there has been considerable discussion about how to allocate budget of universities effectively. One question that is often discussed is that whether or not universities should give the same amount of money as they give to their libraries to their students' sports activities. Although not all students are involved in those kinds of activities, in my opinion, giving money to support sports activities has had a positive effect on students for several reasons.
First, money given by universities will help more students get access to sports activities. When they have more budget, sport clubs can afford more sport equipment including improving places to meet the standard. I used to waive my right to join my university's fitness service because there was so crowded. I had to wait so long in order to use a treadmill. Therefore, if they have more machines, students no need to wait and enjoy themselves to do these activities anytime.
Not only accessing to those activities, but also supporting other fields of expertise. In fact, not all students are good at study. Different students have different skills. Some are clever at study while others are keen on sport. Giving money to support these sports activities will give a chance to students who are interested in sports to improve their skills. For example, Pete, my friend, is expert in football. He is one of the good members of my university's football players and he can improve his skills very fast because our football club has enough budgets to hire an experienced coach and maintain standard of their sport tools and places.
Moreover, sports activities are another way to inculcate students to learn to adjust themselves with others. These activities encourage students to work with others as a team. Consequentially, they will learn their strengths including areas of improvement and they can adjust themselves effectively. Furthermore, they will learn to be responsible for their own duties as part of a team. For example, in basketball team, it has many functions. Each function has to do their best of ability in order to be the strongest team. Some may be leaders and others should be good followers. Therefore, it is beneficial that money can be channeled to sports activities to develop students' skills which do not happen in classes.
In sum, managing university's budgets effectively requires carefully consider. However, investing in sports activities will help students improve many aspects. We can expect that a number of universities will pay attention to support these activities by spending money on them in feasible future.
This is my first essay in order to improve my writing skill and get ready for taking the TOEFL test. I do appreciate all comments and helps from all of you guys.
Thanks in advance.
Plural: years
In recent years, there has ...
... in my opinion, giving money to support sports activities has had a positive effect on students for several reasons.---You ended the first paragraph with this sentence, so it makes the reader think this is the main idea of the paper. But the main idea of the paper should be an answer to the question of whether the funding should be the SAME amount for each. So, I think you should add another sentence to the end of this paragraph to express whether you agree that the funding should be equal.
Funding improves not only access to those activities, but also support for students to gain knowledge about other fields of expertise. --- I changed this sentence to make it work. When you use 'not only... but also' it is a complicated kind of sentence. Here, now I changed it to say funding improves 'not only access... but also... support...'
As I get to the end of the paper, I still see that the question is not answered. You always get judged on how well you answer the specific question they ask. Should it be the same, or not?
Great English, just a few small mistakes!
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