Recently there have been a lot of arguments about engaging children in variable types of paid work. Some people are considered this is not allowable while others have profoundly converse conviction. This challenge is assumed to be quite controversial, hence it must be considered a lot more deeply.
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you've got to show your opinion in your introduction (agree or disagree), it's very necessary.Nowadays regular families foster their children under hard pressure of diverse bunch of conditions, which the real world dictatesevery dayeveryday , inclining people to be a lot more likeare likely to be a business person. People have to be aware financially, they have to doand do much financial work during routine everyday's daily life such as paying bills, buying various stuff, paying for service. This tendency leads to parents trying to bring up their child to be familiar with financial routine and to have ability to make and evaluate money. In other words they teach their children to work for repaymentpaymentfrom childhood.since they are children
On the one side this behavior could lead to(=> use other phrase like "result in" so it won't be repeated) wealthy and financial consistency in adulthood, on the other sideIn addition, it could deprive the most important and joyful time of the life that significantly determines social behavior in the future life.
ToIn my personal opinion, making money would never replace a teddy bear for a child, who at that time so far believes in fairy-tales and imagine kingdoms, dragons and knights, princesses and mysterious creatures. However parents should not forget about current tendencies, furthermore they should try to give their child necessary financial skills during childhood, after all when a child express an interest and desire to earn money by his own, this time would be like an kick-off to allow and help him to start and experience repayment work.
I think you have good ideas in this topic but I suggest that you should separate your reasons into different paragraphs. Therefore, you will clarify your preference better. :) I will give you the form of the writing so you can improve it next time.
Introduction: present your preference (agree or not)
=> after this paragraph, you can point out about 2 or 3 reasons to support your idea. each reason belongs to 1 paragraph. Each paragraph, you have to give details and example.=>
Conclusion: summarize your idea in other words ^^ Good luck! :-bdCheers,
Jang.