Hello to you, I am writing some essays for my preparation to TOEFL. Here is the topic of essay below. Please rate it on a scale of 5. (0-5)
Some people like doing work by hand. Others prefer using machines. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Essay :
From the dawn of human beings, we have been doing thousands of varieties of works in every corner in the world. There are lots of adages about the term "work" that inspired and influenced all of us. No man or woman can survive without dealing with the work. Nowadays, advanced technological breakthroughs are one the must-have part of our lives. Despite there are lot of Hollywood blockbusters about robot controlled civilizations, nobody can terminate today's growth of technology completely. It is one thing which is absolutely out of control. Personally, I am very fond of machines, doing our works. They save a great deal of time and never tire.
First, working machines really save our time.The total time for doing a particular job was reduced dramatically since the invention of machine,used to do that work, introduced.For instance, one used to wash a load of clothes for 2 hours only by bare hands. Now it's 20 minutes without need of hands. Now, lots of leisure activities can be done for the sake of machines.
In addition to saving time, they never stop working. Unlike humans, machines don't have to eat, drink, take a break and even go to restroom. One advantage of technologically industrialized factory is ability to produce much products in very less time. On the other hand, doing works by bare hand would lack in complexity and speed.
To sum up, working machines are fundamental parts of our today's busy life. But, it is important to never forget to teach your kids how to do simple household tasks.
-But, it is important to never not to forget to..
-I think you should omit this sentence because it hurts the content of the essay (But, it is important to never forget to teach your kids how to do simple household tasks. )
Well, eegii012, as you can see I only have very minor corrections.
But I think that your essay has some critical thinking but contains some lapses in quality.
I will grade it 3 ,maybe it is overrated or underrated .. Remember that I am student and maybe I am not right it's just an approximation.
