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Loyalty essay


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Apr 9, 2010, 10:07am   #1
I have this essay as a homework for next week. Rate it please and tell me your opinion.

Loyalty

Loyalty
What is loyalty? Loyalty is a feeling or attitude of devoted attachment and affection. But, from what I have seen in life, loyalty makes only about 4 percent of our community. Loyalty is also called allegiance.

There many kinds of loyalty, but I am going to talk about two kinds, humans loyalty, and animals loyalty. Humans are smarter than animals; God gave us the gift of thinking, choosing from what's right or wrong, and the most...

SEE BELOW

Thanks for reading.

Apr 9, 2010, 02:19pm   #2
Hi!

I would suggest working on your first paragraph some more. There should be atleast three middle sentences. The concluding sentence also seems out of place...unnecessary.

Check your spelling and grammar in the main body of the report, and try to organize it into three good paragraphs. Keep the purpose of your report clear.

Your concluding paragraph is only two sentences long!

One last thing: Are Hilary and Suzan characters from a book?

These are just some things I'm learning from my tenth grade English book about essays-I'm not sure what your teacher's instructions were. But don't give up. Keep working on it. Good luck! : )
Apr 9, 2010, 02:32pm   #3
There many ............... thinking,..................... freedom. YOU HAVE INCLUDE TWO IDEAS IN THE SAME SENTENCE, YOU HAVE EXPLAINED THE FIRST ONE ONLY? ASK YOURSELF IF THESE TWO GIFT HAVE RELATION WITH LOYALITY IN YOUR ESSAY . I DID NOT NOTICE THAT.



Did we keep all these gifts and used them wisely? I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND HOW TO KEEP THE GIFT OF THINKING.


No. Things that we really lose day by day are loyalty, love, and common sense. THIS REPONSENCE IS NOT APPROPRIATE TO YOU QUESTION.



But now loyalty is being sold foe (DO YOU MEAN "FOR" or "FOE")material stuff.



For example, Suzan and Hilary are best friends ( BEST FRIENDS OF WHO)since kindergarten,

Suzan and Hilary had a hard time saying goodbyes, [and Hilary has told all her secrets to Suzy, and was her only friend.]THESE TWO LAST SENTENCE SHOULD BE BEFORE GOODBYS, NO?

but she didn't ( SHE DID NOT WHAT?)her daughter.


Suzan had a hard time in school ( ITHOUGHT THAT SHE HAD HARD TIME BECAUSE OF HER MOTHER, SO PLEASE GIVE THE REASON BEFORE YOU ARGUMENT), trying to fit in. Until a bunch of girls came and gave her tips about how to dress up and so on, until she turned into a brat just like them .

They told her that she have them (I DID NOT UNDERSTAND THIS SENTENCE)

Just for material stuff, Suzan gave away her loyalty. It was lucky for her tha her - FRIEND- Hilary forgave her, even though it is almost impossible for this to happen these days.

YOU DID NOT ARGUMENT A LOT ABOUT ANIMAL, THE ESSAY SHOULD BE EQUAL BETWEEN HUMAN AND ANIMAL.


I THINK THAT YOU DID SWITCH YOU ESSAY FROM ESSAY TO A STORY. YOU DID NOT GIVE A DEFINITION TO THE LOYALTY.
SORRY, BUT I HAVE TO TELL THE TRUTH.

ALSO, YOU HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO CONNECT BETEEN IDEAS.

WHAT IS GOOD IS THER ARE NO GRAMMAR ERROR(98%) FELICITATION

GOOD LUCK.
librarylover:
I would suggest working on your first paragraph some more. There should be atleast three middle sentences. The concluding sentence also seems out of place...unnecessary.

I agree! So the first paragraph can be restructured:

What is loyalty? Loyalty, which is also called allegiance, is a feeling or attitude of devoted attachment and affection. But, from what I have seen in life, loyalty makes only about 4 percent of our community. (now add a final sentence to this paragraph... the thesis statement.

Be sure to google "thesis statement" and read all about it.

Here is a place where a colon is good:
and the most important thing: freedom.

This has to be 2 sentences:
When they arrived, Hilary ran and hugged her. Then Suzan's friends yelled grouse and pulled her away.

As they say:"Dogs are man's best friend." They are; they help blind people cross the roads, they guard their houses, help the police, and would never betray their owner for having a diamond neck tie.

Loyalty is not completely dead; there are still good people these days, like Hilary, and animals will always be loyal. But someday loyalty will die, just like common sense!


:-)
Apr 12, 2010, 09:29am   #6
Apr 12, 10, 05:25pm - Attached on merging:
What is loyalty?

Please rate my essay. It wrote anotherone instead of Loyalty.

Loyalty



I have always heard about loyalty in movies, music, news, which means through in media. What is loyalty anyway? For me it is a word composed of seven letters, if my spelling was correct! Is it a noun, verb, adjective, or an adverb? Even though my grammar average is very good, I'm still confused what is it actually. Not because it is a hard question, but because I have ever been able to see it in real life!

Now back to my first question, what is loyalty? When I googled the meaning, I found out that it is mainly composed of trust, another word for it is allegiance. Can someone in these days trust anyone? In my opinion, it is really something hard to find someone to trust. Even your friends, sometimes it is better to keep your secrets to yourself. Never trust anyone. Readers may start to wonder why am I babbling too much about trust. Well, because without trust there is no loyalty! For example, in Julius Caesar (a play by William Shakespeare), Caesar and Cassius were best friends, and with friendship comes loyalty, right?! Well there was a third friend, his name was Brutus, and he knew that Caesar would be crowned a king. He thought that all the three of them are in equal in bravery and capability of becoming a king. So he started playing with Brutus mind, convincing him that he should be the king, by sending him written letters with different handwritings mentioning how bad Caesar is. So Cassius was convinced, and started to be against his best friend Caesar. What a loyal friend! But not all people are inelegance; we have to learn how to pick. For example, in The Merchant of Venice "another play by Shakespeare", there was man who lends some money from a guy, and that guy told him that if he didn't return the money back (after a certain number of days) he will take one Kg of his body meat. The days passed, and the man was not able to pay back the money. So the other guy took him to the court. A stranger man said that he will defend him, at the end; it appeared to be his wife who defended him.

Now, after reading both stories, I have learned that there are still good people in this world. The problem is that they about only makeup 6 percent of our community. But it is not a hopeless case! Guess we can find a loyal company. If we were lucky enough! And pray god to help us find a loyal person in our lives.
Apr 12, 2010, 12:08pm   #7
" which means through in media. "
This part is quite blurry in the sentence.i can't figure out what you really mean unless you want to say that it's only through media that you learned about loyalty...

if my spelling was correct!
Well i think, you should rather use "is".

it is really something hard to find someone to trust.

The title of the literature dramas should be put in between inverted commas.

there was man who lends some money from a guy,
there was a man who lent some money to a guy.
lend to and borrow from
the conclusion is not so striking. the fact that you have made a contrast between the two plays seems that you are well conversant with literature, but do focus on the subject..do not go in deep details with the examples. good luck.
stranger4ever:
Is it a noun, verb, adjective, or an adverb?

This is cute, but you could change it to something more creative. Just this sentence, I mean. Loyalty is always a noun, so it sounds silly to ask this question. you can ask: "Is it a just a theoretical concept, or is it something people actually use?"

Even though my grammar average is very good, I'm still confused what is it loyalty actually is -- not because it is a hard question, but because I have ever been able to see it in real life!
Above, I put the 2 sentences together with a dash (--), because you had an incomplete sentence:
incomplete ---> Not because it is a hard question, but because I have ever been able to see it in real life!

Here is a sentence that should be cut: Now back to my first question, what is loyalty? When I googled the It just wastes space and repeats the question. I make that mistake all the time!!! :-D
Apr 16, 2010, 04:08pm   #9
I DO LIKE YOUR SECOND ESSAY. AS ALWAYS , NO GRAMMAR ERRORS.CONCRADULATION.
YOU HAVE JUST ONE PROBLEM TO FIX. TRY TO SEPERATE THE SPEAKING FROM THE WRITING. THE WRITING HAS SOME RULES TO FOLLOW. SOME SENTENCES OR WORDS ARE NOT FORMAL , SO YOU HAVE TO AVOID THEM IN YOUR WRITING .

I have always heard about loyalty in movies, music" AND" news, which means through in media.


ack to my first question, what is loyalty? When I googled (THE VERB TO GOOGLE IS NOT INCLUDED IN THE DICTIONNARY , SO MAY BE IS INFORMAL VERB , YOU HAVE TO AVOID THE INFORMAL WRITING )the meaning, I found out that it is mainly composed of trust, another word for it is allegiance.



Even your friends(TRY TO GIVE MEANING TO THIS SENTENCE , WHAT IS THE MATTER WIITH YOUR FRIEND), sometimes it is better to keep your secrets to yourself. YOU CAN SAY : EVEN YOUR FRIENDS ARE NOT TRUSWORTHY, ......



Now, after reading both stories, I have learned that there are still good people in this world. The problem is that they about only makeup 6 ( NO NUMBERS IN WRITING - SIX PERCENT)percent of our community. But it is not a hopeless case!

GUESS WE CAN.................I DO NO IF IT IS A FORMAL WRITING.

GOOD LUCK



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