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'Love, money, career and faith in God' IELTS Happiness essay


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Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving hapiness? please evaluate my ielts essay

Happiness is something we all desire, but not many achieve. There is no universally accepted definition for happiness, as its coordinates differ from one to another. However, I believe there are several factors people cite when asked about the ingredients needed for the 'happiness recipe'.

To begin with, it is a well-known fact that every person in this world is unique and consequently it is normal that every one has its own aspirations and beliefs. What makes a person happy might not work as well for another one. Therefore, it is difficult to define happiness, but I think every one would agree with this: happiness consists in and is strongly connected with things that makes us happy.

Love, money, career and faith in God are the factors generally mentioned/agreed as important in
achieving happiness. Furthermore, every person has its own value system in which all of the factors mentioned above are disposed gradually. To give an example from my personal experience, my grandmother was a very religious person and her faith in God and love for her nephews were enough to keep her happy. Rather, there are many persons who put money or career on the foreground.

On the contrary, there are some spiritual leaders, including Osho, who say that happiness is not something you practice, but something that comes to you when you allow it. One argument that cannot be ignored to sustain this is that there are many times when we hear about people who achieved everything they wanted in their life, but still felt anxious, unhappy, unfulfilled.Osho said that happiness comes when we feel free, relaxed and are focused on love.

To sum up, I believe the best way to achieve happiness is to first think of our value scale and decide which factor is the most important to us. Then we should try to become succesful in that way, having a positive attitude towards life. We sometimes try so hard to be happy and to achieve our goal, that we forgot to do things that make us happy.

[344] it is too long :( what can I cut?

Hi Daniela,

Since I'm not a native speaker, I'm afraid I can't correct grammar errors for you.
(I'm not good at grammar myself!@@)
I think a 344-word essay is too much, and you probably having trouble complete it in 40 minutes.

I love your introduction and second paragraph (1st body paragraph).
It answers the first question of the topic (Why is it difficult to define?) clearly.

In the 2nd body paragraph, you gave an example from your own life.
I think in this paragraph, you can add some opinions on "what makes YOU happy".
That way, you answered the second question in the topic: What factors are important in achieving hapiness?

If I were you, I'll cut the 3rd boby paragraph since it talks about Osho's opinion instead of yours.

I hope this helps!
Aug 6, 2010, 12:00am   #
Happiness is something we all desire, but not many achieve. I don't think this sounds right, as many people ARE happy! Should you say, "...but not everyone achieves?"

There is no universally accepted definition of happiness, as its coordinates differ from one to another.

Therefore, it is difficult to define happiness, but I think every one would agree with this: happiness consists in and is strongly connected with the things that makes us happy.

Love, money, career and faith in God are the factors generally mentioned/agreed upon, as important in achieving happiness.


Great ending!
Good luck in school.
:)
Aug 9, 2010, 04:23pm   #
your essay is good enough
I think the happiness is to pursue what we love and fulfill a meaningful life.

you can cut the 4th paragraph if you think your essay is too long. The three paragraphs are enough.



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