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Living in a comfortable apartment is always a good choice and the same applies to univerity students


Rafiq24 1 / 1  
Apr 13, 2015   #1
Some students prefer to live on campus in a dormitory. Others prefer to live in an apartment or house.

University students divide two place the ones whom like to live in dormitory and the students who like to live in an apartment.Students who live in an apartment think that it is comfortable to live apart from university and others think that it is profitable to live in a dormitory.If you ask me i would prefer to choose living in an apartment.

Living in an apartment is always good choice for me.Firstly you do not have to worry about other people for example if you are living in dormitory you should think about others student too.I am kind of a person who like to live alone and do not like to take responsibilities of other people.Living in apartment means comfort.If you want to take a shower you go and take shower if you want to sleep you sleep.Everything is so easy if you are living in an apartment you could make your own food at home or you can order something from outside.You could make a party at home with your friends.

Second reason for living in an apartment is you do not have to meet with new people from university.It is enough if you are knowing your groupmates.New people means new problems.You do not have to be with roommate with the person whom you do not like.You could choose your roommate yourself or you could live alone.In apartment you can live with girl but in dormitory you can not

All in all i think that it is better for student to live in an aparment rather than living in dormitory
lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Apr 13, 2015   #2
First, you made some good points about living in a dormitory. However, some campuses have more lenient visitation hours with those who don't live in the dormitory. In the first sentence of the first paragraph, I was really confused. Do you feel that university students can decide if they would like to live in a dormitory or an apartment?

I also wouldn't quote students unless you mention that you have spoken with them about apartment living. You could say that you think students would feel more comfortable in an apartment. What do you mean by profitable? Do you feel students save money, do they enjoy the experience, etc. You can simplify the sentence by stating that it is your preference to live in an apartment.

In the third paragraph there are some run-on sentences.Here is how to change it: When you give an example you should start a new sentence. When you say: "For example", this is a good way to begin a sentence because you begin to state your opinion. After you mention going to take a shower you could make a new sentence when you describe having the ability to sleep when you want to sleep. There are also some issues with meaning in this paragraph. Explain what you mean by ordering something from outside. Are you referring to ordering takeout? Also, when a person decides they want have a party, they will usually tell their friends that they are going to have a party at home.

I want you to revise this last sentence in the last paragraph. Do you think that apartment living can give a person their privacy and they don't have to socialize and meet new students? What do you mean by groupmates? Are these classmates or your friends? Please revise the comment about the roommate. I suggest just stating you can avoid being with a roommate you dislike.

3 suggestions to make your paper better.
1) Sometimes you leave out indefinite articles.
Here's an easy way to tell: Look at the last sentence in your paragraph. You use it correctly here. You say "an apartment". If you read the sentence. However, you forget to use "an" before apartment in the sentence before this. Also, you say in dormitory. You should change it to in "a dormitory".

2) Lowercase i should be changed be uppercase.
3) In the second paragraph, you discuss taking responsibilities. This can confuse the reader. I think what you are referring to is the shared responsibility that roommates have because they live in the same space. This could include cleaning, being peaceable with one another, considerate of each other's study habits, etc.

*Take your time with this easy and read your revisions to see if it makes sense. You have good examples.
OP Rafiq24 1 / 1  
Apr 14, 2015   #3
Actually i don't know that students can decide if they would like to live in a dormitory or an apartment.I am preparing for TOEFL exam and i don't have time to think whether they could or not i just write what comes to my mind to fill the paper.I need to write it down in 30 minutes.Independent essay is my weak point but i don't know how to make it better.I know that i have mistakes yet I am running out of time when I finished essay that is why I couldn't chechk my paper


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