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Toefl; Who would you like to meet? Mr. Amitabh Bachachan


answers: 2
Nov 8, 2009, 03:29pm   #
Hi
I am preparing for the toefl ibt. Please help me for the writing section.
Thanks.

What famous athlete or entertainer from the present would you like to meet?

If I could meet a famous entertainer than, it would definitely be Mr. Amitabh Bachachan. He is the superstar of the Indian movies and has performed in more than 300 movies during his career. Meeting with him gives the pleasure to know about the him off screen.

Mr. Bachachan has a magnificent personality and the voice. But this qualities does not attract people to watch his movies, it is his acting which gives an appealing attitude to the public of various ages to bond with his movies. He has performed various different roles in the movies such as, in the lead role, as a father, grand father , comedian and so on. But in his each character he has shown the deepness of that character which makes him remembered in everyone's heart. For instance, in one of his movie he has played the character of the father who has four children, but in the later stages of life none of his child gave him support. In this movie he has given a lesson to the public that if someone has the confidence in himself than he would really get out of the troublesome situations. Therefore, meeting such a person would teach a lot .

Mr bachachan has been in the entertainment world since 40 years. But he had also face the downside graph in his career in means of finance. But he had never loose hope and tried a lot to overcome the situation. For this purpose he has started a television show, which has changed the manner of Indian television screen. The manner and the respect with which he talks to the general public in his game show makes him lovable to everyone. This is the another reason for me to meet him because this shows his optimistic nature towards the life which makes a person capable of handling the difficult nature.

Therefore, it would be very inspiring to meet such a versatile actor.
First Paragraph:
You need to omit the 'than' in the first sentence- it should not be there. You also do not need the word 'definitely.' In your second sentence, I would replace the second 'movies' with 'films' (more than 300 films...). You should avoid- when possible- using the same identifier in the same sentence twice. I would also change your third sentence to something similar to "Meeting with him would give me the pleasure of knowing him off screen."
Second Paragraph:
I would get rid of 'the' and simply say 'magnificent personality and voice.' I would also revise this sentence: "But this qualities does not attract people to watch his movies, it is his acting which gives an appealing attitude to the public of various ages to bond with his movies." You should never start a sentence with the word 'but'I would recommend trading it for the word 'however.' I would say something like "However, [these] qualities [do] not attract people to his movies; it is his acting which appeals to the public. Because of this, he is able to bond with people of many ages." I would also recommend saying "He has performed in various lead roles such as fathers, grandfathers, and comedians. Not surprisingly, each of his characters has shown..." "In one of his movies he played" you do not need the word has, because it is assumed it is there when using the word 'played.' "...he played a father with four children, who in the later stages of life, received no support from his family. This movies gives a lesson to the public that if someone has confidence in themselves then it is possible to get out of troublesome situations. This is why I think meeting such a person will teach me a lot."
Third Paragraph:
"Mr. Bachachan" The first letter of the last name should ALWAYS be capitalized. "since 40 years" should be "for 40 years." You should also revise the sentences "But he had also face the downside graph in his career in means of finance. But he had never loose hope and tried a lot to overcome the situation." For starters, 'but' should never begin a sentence. I would recommend something similar to "He has also had to face financial instability, but never lost hope, and tried a lot to overcome his poverty." "Of the Indian television" you need the word 'the' there because Indian television is not all that common. "The manner and the respect with which he talks to the general public in his game show makes him lovable to everyone."  this is a VERY well-written sentence, and is grammatically correct. I would recommend changing your last few sentences: "This one of the many reasons I would like to meet him. I feel his abilities show an optimistic nature towards life which makes a person capable of handling difficult natures. Therefore, I feel it would be very inspiring to meet such a versatile actor."

Thoughts:
I think you did REALLY well! I wish you the best on your TOEFL test, and I apologize if it seems like I had a lot, or too much, to say. You are going to do just fine, so long as you have confidence in yourself. If you ever need any other help, this is a more-than-friendly site; we would all be happy to help. Good luck! :)



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