We always like to make progress in our life and it gives us a good sense - Toefl Essay

Toefl Essay : Do you agree or disagree that progress is always good?

Nobody can deny that progress is good. One of the most popular definitions of the word ''Progress'' is reaching the goal. In my personal view, making progress is always good, but sometimes people have to keep away from reaching their goals. While most people always want to make progress to find a better standard of living, but they always have to miss many things. To reach their goal, they miss their family or may put their life in danger.

To begin, by reaching a new goal in the life, we have to neglect something else. People always want to make a progress to achieve their goals by any opportunities they can find. Some migrate to other part of world (another city or country) in order to find job opportunities or educating in better universities. However, they may reach their goal, but they will also miss supports and companionship of their family.

Secondly, some people want to make a progress by putting their life in danger. Some people try to find those jobs, which have high salary. Some of these jobs need to take a risk and as a result, they even lose their life. For instance, many labors have died due to their job conditions. They wanted to make progress with hard working, but they unfortunately exchanged their life with nothing.

To conclude, as I mentioned before, we always like to make progress in our life and it gives us a good sense. However, we should also evaluate our decisions carefully, which kind of things we may lose and which ones we will reach and try to keep a balance between them.

I know you changed the essay, but I still want to quote the sentence above because I like it so much. The sentence has mistakes, but it still might be the most important sentence you typed. This sentence expresses an idea that is extremely important, and it is one that people may not always consider: everybody is so busy trying to achieve their goals, but while they were to achieve their goals they are missing experiences that they may never have the opportunity to experience again. In fact, I don't think I have ever thought about goal achievement quite like this. Your sentence, even though it had grammar errors, made me reconsider the things I'm doing today! I am working toward my goals, but are my goals still worth missing the opportunity to experience whatever is waiting for me outside my door right now?

Anyway, in the future remember to type: As far as I am concerned...

About the grammar: Pay attention to 'number agreement'
Example:
To reach their goal, they miss their family or may put their life in danger.
Some migrate to other part of
Some of these jobs need to take a risk and as a result, they even lose their life.
Pluralize these words: goals, families, lives...

Use the word require:
Some of these jobs require people to take a risks, and as a result, they even lose their lives.

: )