To begin with, as far as i'm known that if you use "firstly", the next paragraph, you should follow the hierarchy secondly, thirdly...
Next, it seems that you have not give particular idea yet. For instances,
Moreover, in the urban areas there are also more citizens what means, that the culture diversity is huge. Meeting and knowing new people's tradition is an unforgettable experience, which could influence on one's previous habits.
. You can put it in the first main idea of education system because "meeting and knowing tradition" is aslo a comprehension of knowledge. :D. It will raise your argument and clarify your main idea.
Finally, your essay should add more adverbs. It will make your essay smooth and easier to read.
Although i'm also preparing for IELTS, It is my some objective views. Hope it will be useful for you.
Xucoi. :D