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Task 1 : The levels of participation in education and science.


answers: 2
Dec 2, 2009, 01:56pm   #
The charts below show the levels of participation in education and science in the developing and industrialised countries in 1980 and 1990.
Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
you should write at least 150 words.


The charts display the difference in the levels of participation in education and science between the developing and industrialised countries in the years 1980 and 1990.
It is clear that in all 3 charts the industrialised countries have improved in the participation much more than the developing countries.
As shown in the first chart that displays the average years of schooling , in the year 1980 , a regular citizen of an industrialised country would spend about 8 years in school averagely , but fo the developing countries , the average years of schooling is about 2 years. In 1990 , the average years of schooling went throught a slight increase , for the average years of schooling in the industrialised countries has become 11 years instead of 8 , and in the developing countries , it has become 3 instead of 2.
The second chart displays the number of scientists and technicians in every 1000 person in each country. In 1980 , the industrialised countries had about 40 to 45 scientists ans technicians per 1000 people. On the other hand , the developing countries had only 10 per 1000 people. In 1990 , the situation hasn't change a lot for the developing countries , for the number of scientists and technicians per 1000 person was only 5 more than a dacade before , unlike the industrialised countries , therefor the number of scientists and technicians reached an unbelievable number , for they reached about 70 per 1000 people.
The last chart displays the amount of money that has been spent by each country on researches and developments. The industrialised countries spent about 150 billion US $ in 1980 , and 350 billion US $ in 1990. Meanwhile , the developing countries did not spend much on them , for they spent about 50 billion US $ in the year 1980 , and instead of spending more money , they suprisingly lowered the amout they spent a dacade ago and spent half the amount in 1990.
The leves of participation in education and science shown in the charts were actually expected ; since the developing countries , as called "developing" , are still in the process of building up the country and trying to develop it with the little amount of supplies they have in their hands , unlike the industrialised countries who are already developed and they are just continuing to improve their development.
Dec 2, 2009, 03:45pm   #
Hey Ruah.

A few comments:

The charts display the difference in the levels of participation in education and science between the developing and industrialised countries in the years from 1980 andto 1990.This is a very dry sentence. If the focus is scientific/analytical writing, it's perfect. If the focus is descriptive writing, you may want to make it a little more interesting. Ask your teacher what you should aim for.
It is clear that in all 3 charts the industrialised countries have improved in the participationparticipation here and in your last paragraph may not be the best word... it's a little vague much more than the developing countries.
As shown in the first chart, which that displays the average years of schooling , in the year 1980 , a regular citizen of an industrialised country would spend about 8 years in school on averagely. but fo theIn developing countries, however, the average years of schooling is about 2 years. In 1990 , the average years of schooling went through a slight increase; the average years of schooling in the industrialised countries has become"has become" is present tense- use a past tense here 11 years instead of 8 , and in the developing countries , it has becomealso here 3 instead of 2.
The second chart displays the number of scientists and technicians infor every 1000 personperson is singular. Use the plural form here. in each country. In 1980 , the industrialised countries had about 40 to 45 scientists ans technicians per 1000 people. On the other hand , the developing countries had only 10 per 1000 people. InBy 1990 , the situation hasn't change a lothad not changed much (avoid "a lot" in formal writing) for the developing countries , for the number of scientists and technicians per 1000 person was only 5 more than a decade before , unlike the industrialised countries , therefor the number of scientists and technicians reached an unbelievable number , for they reached about 70 per 1000 people. <<< This is a very long sentence. Break it into manageable pieces.
The last chart displays the amount of money that has been spent by each country on researches and developments. The industrialised countries spent about 150 billion US $ $150 Billion USin 1980 , and 350 billion US $The $ symbol should precede the number in 1990. Meanwhile , the developing countries did not spend much on them , for they spent about 50 billion US $ in the year 1980 , and instead of spending more money , they suprisingly lowered the amout they spent a dacade ago and spent half the amount in 1990. <<also a run-on sentence.
The levels of participation in education and science shown in the charts were actually expected ; since the developing countries , as called "developing" , are still in the process of building up the country, they must and trying to develop it with the little amount of supplies they have in their handswith fewer resources , unlike the industrialised countries who are already developed and they are just continuing to improve their development.

Some notes:

-The American English word is "industrialized", with a Z. If you have a dictionary or reference that spells it with an "s", though, that's okay. It may be British English, I'm not sure.

-A space should not precede a comma. The comma should immediately follow a word, like in this sentence.

-Avoid run-on sentences. If you need more than two commas in a sentence, you should probably break it down.

-Since your last essay, your writing has improved. You still need to work on sentence structure and avoid casual language in your writing- "On the other hand" is only barely acceptable, for example.

Hope this helps!
Tim
Dec 2, 2009, 04:20pm   #
Thank you very much Tim , this has been really helpful
I really appreciate the helpful corrections you did , and I would b really thankful if you could have a look at all my essays if you have the time.
Thanks again , and I will try to improve my writing.

Ruah :)



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