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'Korean student died'; The advantage and disadvantage of the Internet


answers: 2
Sep 20, 2009, 08:54am   #1
Please check the vocabulary, grammar for me. Thanks you all.

Topic: The Internet has provided great benefits, but at the same time it has also created new problems and inequalities. What's your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

No one can deny the benefits from the Internet as it helps us a lot in our life. However, the Internet also has many stints and caused many problems to people.

For one thing, while we can get the latest news from the Internet fast, we have to deal with a situation that these information is not arranged organizingly and sometimes the information is not true. For example, when I have to find some information about protein, I search it on Google and there are a large number of websites with the same information, even some of them provide the wrong one which is completely different from my textbook.

Besides, when surfing the Internet, people often worry about personal information leaking, spam or junk mail. For instance, you want to buy some goods online, you have to provide some of your information to the website so that they can deliver them to you. Maybe your information is hacked and the hackers can use it for much bad purpose like buying other things using your account...Your e-mail box can receive some spam that you don't want and you feel unsafe when you think that a person is following you in some ways.

Furthermore, although we can use the Internet as a means of entertainment with a lot of interesting things like listening to music, chatting, some of them are really time-consuming and harmful to your health. When you are addicted to chatting, game online, it is hard to give it up. A few years ago, a Korean student spent more than a day sitting in front of the computer playing computer games, when his parents looked for him, they found out that he had died in his room, which was a sad story.

In conclusion, I think people should balance the time using the Internet and ensure that it does not do any harm to you.

Sep 20, 2009, 09:28am   #2
In your conclusion, you list recommendations related to only two of your points. If you're going to list recommendations, they should reflect all of your points, in the order they were raised. So:

In conclusion, I think people should be wary of inaccurate information on the internet, ensure that it does not do any harm to you by being careful about private information, and balance the time spent using the Internet.

However, one-sentence paragraphs are not acceptable. Also, you conclusion does not cover the broader topic. So:

In conclusion, the internet has both advantages and disadvantages. To enjoy the advantages without being hurt by the disadvantages, I think people should be wary of inaccurate information on the internet, ensure that it does not do any harm to you by being careful about private information, and balance the time spent using the Internet.



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