Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5


Japanese tourists travelling abroad and Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market


harry109 3 / 6  
Feb 3, 2014   #1
The bar chart illustrates the number of Japanese oversea visitors from 1985 to 1995, while the line graph shows the changes of Australia's share occupied by Japan's tourist between 1985 and 1994.

There was an upward trend in the number of Japanese travellers to other countries over the period of 11 years. In 1985, the figure was five million tourists. After this, it rose by approximately a million each year and reach 11 millions in 1990. From 1991 onwards, it continued to increase slightly and peaked at over 15 millions at the end of the period.

Besides, Japan's tourist grew considerably over the period. In 1985, it occupied for 2% of Australia's share then increased dramatically to nearly 5% three years later. Despite a slight fall in 1989,the figure grew by 0.5% each year and ended the period with 6% of total Australia's share.

On the whole, the growth in Japanese oversea travellers matched with the upward trend of Australia's share earned by Japan's tourist. Both figures could increase more from 1995 onwards due to the upward trends of the period.



eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Feb 3, 2014   #2
Hi Harry

I have a few points shared:

After this, it rose by approximately a million each year and reach 11 millions in 1990

Since henceforth, the figures showed a parallel increase in the overall numbers, being stood at 11 millions in 1990.

it occupied for 2%

Here occupied is a transitive, so no need to put a preposition.

Despite a slight fall in 1989, the figure grew by...

Despite a slight fall in 1989, the figures showed a gradual rebound...

For the all above, we are expecting for other inputs.

Thanks.
OP harry109 3 / 6  
Feb 3, 2014   #3
Thank you very much,
I have a small question. Well, I sometimes get confused of using the word FIGURE and FIGURES. In which cases we use the plural noun?
tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Feb 3, 2014   #4
Hello hary,

your essay is quite good, but it will be better if you give overview.
1. Introduction
2. Overview as general information.
Overall, The difference was less marked between the number of Japanese tourists and percentage of visitors who came in Australia if we compare with the last period. While in the last periode the majority of Japanese who tended to spent holiday in the other countries inclined dramatically, while the percentage of tourist who came in Australia declined.

3. Body 1. (you can mention the sameness of the graphs)
4. Body 2. (you should explain the differences of the graphs)
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Feb 3, 2014   #5
Hi Harry,

using the word FIGURE and FIGURES

According to my knowledge, when talking about number, it is Plural which is usually used. I use FIGURES when presenting an amount, especially an official number. It is because you explain the line graph: Australia's share of Japan's tourist market which the phrase of share or market is often used together/ collocate with FIGURES. However, I sometimes use FIGURE for a particular amount of money: an estimated figure of 200 IDR

Thanks.


Home / Writing Feedback / Japanese tourists travelling abroad and Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳