At the same time, your argument about linguistic diversity is compelling, particularly in culture on the brink of language extinction. But, then, wouldn't the remedy be to teach the endangered language as the foreign language? Children's brains are so plastic when it comes to language that it's not hard for them to become fully bilingual or even trilingual.
But let's turn to the writing rather than the content of the essay, because here is where you are still needing work. For the most part, your sentence structure is fine, but your verb tense is sometimes off. Also I notice that you sometimes leave out the article -- a, and or the -- before the noun when one is needed or put in an article when one is not needed. (That's a common error -- it's so hard to keep straight when they are needed and when not.) I also notice that you sometimes choose the wrong preposition -- another very common error, as prepositions function so differently in different languages.
Here are some suggested corrections:
increasingly rapid economic globalization, learning a
foreign language becomes more important
than ever before. Meanwhile, the thorny issue of
whether children should
foreign language study in primary school, is heated argued by the
From my own perspective, each side has has both merits and demerits: It doesn't
matter whether children begin to learn foreign language in
elementary school or later
Nevertheless, asking children to learn a
foreign language is, to some extent, a
hazard to the diversity of the languages and culture.
As we all know
, children know
of their own history and policy, so it is easy for them
to misunderstand why
they need to learn a foreign language. Furthermore, young children
the ability to distinguish
right from wrong.