You have a solid start for your introduction. There is a slight problem though. You were supposed to agree or disagree with the statement and I do not see any mention of your stand anywhere in the paragraph. I suggest that you add a sentence at the end reflecting your stand in order to fall in line with the requirements of the essay. Without your stand, the essay does not have a thesis statement to begin its discussion with. I will be making comments and revision suggestions to your essay as I review it below.
Although a nation that producesthe more outstanding individuals will most likely be perceived as great worldwide, the ultimate goal of a nation should serve interests of the general and majority. A closer examination at the propensity, welfare and people's satisfaction of different nations in our world supports the statement.
- ... the ultimate goal of a nations should
be to serve the interests of the general majority... closer examination
of the... different nations supports
this statement.
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This statement is open to further discussion. Perhaps you can present the opposing point of view and explain its flaws before you launch into your current statement.A quick check at the nationality of Nobel laureates confirms the argument. However, the States never shows up in the top-ten happiest countries in the world, orobtains a relatively high human index (an index to measure the welfare of people in health, education or age). Obviously, the world largest economy still exemplifies a great nation, but not an undoubted and fully one , at least according to its people's self assessments.
- ... confirms
this argument... countries in the world, nor
does it obtain a ... the
world's largest economy... but not
a great nation that serves its people ...
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You did a good job at using the compare and contrast method of discussing the topic.The two paragraphs you provided as samples were right on the mark.As for your conclusion, it loses its impact because you failed to present your personal point of view early in the essay and do not even try to reference it at the end. So you have to revise the essay in order to properly show a restated thesis, summary of facts, and conclusion.