Please help me to edit this writing. Thanks very much.
Topic: Recent research has show media like Internet and TV have a greater influence over people's lives than politicians. Which do you consider to be greater influence?
This is no doubt that technology is developing rapidly in recent decades, especially in media field. So some people think that internet and television are having a significant influence on people's daily lives, even this influence is greater than that of politicians. However, I think that both media and politicians have influences on us in different shapes.
Obviously, we are living in the world of technology and internet and television are things that we are using everyday. In other words, we are depending on media more than we used to do in the past and we are influencing by things, which it brings. For example, when we see a kind of clothes that our idols are wearing on TV or Internet, we tend to copy their styles. Or we watch an action that someone performs in a game show on TV, we also want to imitate doing it. Evidently, media is impacting us in various aspects of lives.
Nevertheless, we cannot deny important of politicians in society. Clearly, they are people who establish rules and policies to manage society, so their level of influence on us is not small. For instance, if there are too many violent movies on television, politicians can give a ban of broadcasting of these types of movies to diminish negative impacts on young people. In other words, politicians have a certain influence on other sides of lives.
In conclusion, I believe that media are playing an important role in our life and its influence on us is significant, but it cannot be replaceable the certain level of influence of politicians.
There is a lot of grammatical errors and sentence structure problems in your paper. I suggest you use a professional writing service for revisions. It cannot be done by mere suggestions here.
Where can I get the professional writing service? Please help me.
There are a number of them that can be found via internet search. Just type essay writing assistance in Google and a number of them should turn up for you to consider.
try to give more substantial reasons.
ThisThere is no doubt that technology is developing rapidly insince recent decades, especially inits influence can be observed in the media field. So some people think that the Internetinternet and television are having a significant influence on people's daily lives, even this influence is greater than that of politicians.
For me, your prompt is not very clear. Have you copied it properly?
Obviously, we are living in the world of technology and internet and television are things that we are using everyday. In other words, we are depending on media more than we used to do in the past and we are influencing by things, which it brings.
Evidently, Internet and television greatly entertain us in many ways, thus we are fond of using these new technologies everyday. Through usual use, we have become more open to the influences they may bring toward us. For example,...Your writing style is typical of Vietnamese students. You need to read more books in English to get better writing
While I agree that you need more exposure to the English language by reading books and such, I would have to say that the essay you wrote was good enough for starters. Great writers are created over practice and time. You have the ability to make yourself understood using the written word. But, if you take the time to re-read and re-write this essay, you will find that you can make further improvements on your own. Try rewriting the essay 4 times and you will see what I mean. You will figure out which parts you want to remove, improve, or expand upon. Then at the end, you will have an essay that you will be very satisfied with and your professor will be happy to read at well. Remember, practice makes perfect so don't give up on trying to improve this paper.
Thanks for your advices. I will try my best.
dumi:
In addition to the essay's grammatical errors, do you think its content is all right?
dumi:
In addition to the essay's grammatical errors, do you think its content is all right?
Well, as I mentioned you earlier, I am not very clear about the topic in this essay :( However, I find you are having a good understanding about the essay approach and there is nothing wrong with what you have followed. Since your topic is somewhat confusing, I cannot comment on the content here. I hope to do that in your next thread on a different topic :)
Nevertheless, we cannot deny
importantthe importance of politicians in society.
I think your best bet is to change your point of view or the way you approach your essay. It is currently to boring and formulaic. The content is good, but the style is boring. Remember these admission officers are going to read 15,000+ essays. Do they really wanna hear My name is Ryan and I should go to MIT for these 5 reasons? The answer is no. Be creative. Turn it into a short story. I was in the same place as you. Trying to figure out what to do. Turning it into a story makes it easier to write, more interesting, and it adds flare. So try to approach the essay completely differently. That is what helped me.
