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IELTS: Improving careers or spend time with family and friends more important


asmy 3 / 7 3  
Nov 24, 2013   #1
Please feel free to comment

Essay Topic: Some people prefer to spend more time improving their careers. Others think it is more important to spend time with family and friends. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these statement? Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is often said that money links to happiness and successful life. Thus, some people have the notion that it is crucial to spend more time in their careers, work harder or even longer to get promoted. However, some feel that social life with family and friends is paramount. It is disagreed that climbing the corporate ladder is the most essential part in our lives.

Advocates of careers as the first priority argue that getting a higer paid job is the key to success and happiness. They assert that better income enables them to achieve their personal fulfillment, and provide a better standard of living to their family. For example, they can send their children to study abroad and live with luxury lifestyle. Thus, it is clearly understood that why they think better career means better future.

On the other hand, people who are in favour of family and friends as paramount argue that money and career are not the key indicators to gauge happiness. They claim that extreme working and neglecting their loved and close one will deteriorate their social lives. As a result, they are likely to have tenuous relationship with their family and friends. When they face any problems and obstacles, they have no one to listen, support and guide them. Over time, their social network become wither and die.

In conclusion, although having a successful career is important in our lives, we should always strieve for a balanced lifestyle. Hence, it is sometimes thought that having all the money in the world and not sharing with our loved one does not make us the happiest person.
xujunjiejack 4 / 7  
Nov 24, 2013   #2
In this paragraph, several pronouns confuse me. I understand that these "they" mean those who are in favor of family, and the rest of paragraph after "they claim" is based on the assumption that if they have spend too much time on the career, but I think you didn't express the assumption clearly. Therefore, at my first glance, I was confused by why those who love family will finally be abandoned by their families.

If you can change what the pronouns indicates smoothly by using "if..." I think the paragraph may improve.

(I cannot find "quote" button on my safari, so I paste it.)On the other hand, people who are in favour of family and friends as paramount argue that money and career are not the key indicators to gauge happiness. They claim that extreme working and neglecting their loved and close one will deteriorate their social lives. As a result, they are likely to have tenuous relationship with their family and friends. When they face any problems and obstacles, they have no one to listen, support and guide them. Over time, their social network become wither and die.

I hope it may help you.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Nov 26, 2013   #3
It is often said that money links to happiness and successful life.

It is often believed that money and success are directly correlated with each other.

Thus, some people have the notion that it is crucial to spend more time in their careers, work harder or even longer to get promoted.

Therefore, some people are inclined to elevate their career positions by devoting more time and energy at work.

However, some feel that social life with family and friends is paramount.

However, for some others find that family and friends matter to their lives more.

It is disagreed that climbing the corporate ladder is the most essential part in our lives.

Express your opinion direct and clearly;
In my view, I disagree favor the opinion that one should spend more time for the family and friends.


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