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Important skill a person should learn in order to successful in the world today?


answers: 10
This is my second essay i wrote this month, I am not sure it is grammatically and logically accurate and the exam next month is a big tournament for me. Can you help me revising this essay. I need help. Thank you

What is a very important skill a person should learn in order to successful in the world today? Choose one skill and use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.


In my opinion, the world is changing in many complex and various ways and it is very difficult for normal people to keep up with them. However, the skill you can learn to be successful in the current global is survival. There are many approaches for survival like studying, association among people and child-rearing in case you have a baby.

First, you have to get education for a living.

Today, education is very important and you cannot earn a living without it. Therefore, you have to go to school where you can learn a lot of things necessary for your future career. For example, you study marketing to work as marketing personnel in a private company. Moreover, the education teaches you to be active in learning and understand social problems and know ways to resolve them effectively.

Second, you have to make friends with your colleague

Nowadays, it is impossible to stay alone and not go out with your friends. Although you have a job to earn a living, you have to be outgoing so that when you have problems, your friends can help you. For example, you work as a salesman and have to fulfill the objectives set up by a manager; when you get stuck with you work, you can refer to your friends for help.

Third, you have to learn approaches of taking care of children.

When your baby is born, the first thing to do is to consult with doctors about how to bring him up; they can give you a lot of advice which you can apply to your child care. Moreover, you may ask your friends who have a baby for tips to make a normal living while taking care of them so that you fell no worry about it.

In conclusion, the twentieth-first century is a turning point that propels the world towards the future and you have to adapt to it for survival. The methods available for you are to get knowledge for a job, associate with more people for better protection when you are in trouble and advice of child care when you get marriage.

Feb 18, 2011, 12:30am   #2
Hey
the world is changing should be rewrite as ' the world has been changing ' would be better .
normalpeople to keep up withthem alter to 'it'
the skill you can learn to be successful in the current global is survival could be changed "only by learning how to survive in the dynamic society, could individual gradually achieve its success "

And every topic sentence could not be separated by one line .

Best wishes for you

swallow512
Feb 24, 2011, 01:07pm   #5
maybe , instead of saying 'you have to get education for a living.'

you should say 'you can get education....'
This is your introduction paragraph; you can write one more sentence to state you essay thesis, telling readers what your essay going to be about, so that I would change a little like this:

In my opinion, the world has been changing in many complex and various ways constantly and it is very difficult for ordinary people to keep up with them. However, the skill you can learn to be successful in the current global is survival. There are many approaches for survival like studying, association among people, and child-rearing. As far I am much concerned is education, the best survival skill.

Then second paragraph:

First, you have to get education in order to support for yourself. Today, education is very important and you cannot earn a living without it. Therefore, you have to go to school where you can learn a lot of things necessary for your future career. For example, you study marketing to work as marketing personnel in a private company. Moreover, the education teaches you to be active in learning and understand social problems and know ways to resolve them effectively.



Then Third para:
Second, going to school provides you a chance to interact with people around you and to make friends as well. Nowadays, it is impossible to stay alone and not go out with your friends. Although you have a job to earn a living, you have to be outgoing so that when you have problems, your friends can help you. For example, you work as a salesman and have to fulfill the objectives set up by a manager; when you get stuck with you work, you can refer to your friends for help.

Then fourth para:
Third, learning offers you parenting skills that you know how to take care well of your child. When your baby is born, the first thing to do is to consult with doctors about how to bring him up; they can give you a lot of advice which you can apply to your child care.
{Moreover, you may ask your friends who have a baby for tips to make a normal living while taking care of them so that you fell no worry about it.}<= This para is likely in "make friend" or in third para. Instead of this, you can give example of going to school or reading book or taking child development class, you're able to know baby milestones and know what to do when your baby is getting sick; example, sometimes your baby has fever over 100 degree and you cannot contact with your baby's physician, you already know what step to do for lower the fever

These are my minor ideas, I hope I can help you! I'm still learning how to write a good conclusion too because I'm also a test taker like you. I like your essay, it's simple and straight. You just need to polish a little bit. I don't catch any serious grammar errors. GOOD LUCK ON YOUR TEST
In my view, your feedback is not what i think about or do not even know about it and i have to learn a lot how to generate ideas more specific so that i can write an essay more effectively.
Feb 26, 2011, 11:16am   #8
yemenja:
maybe , instead of saying 'you have to get education for a living.'

you should say 'you can get education....'

Yes, good point.
If I say I sell shoes for a living, it means I am a shoe salesman. If I get an education for a living, it means I get paid to take classes. You should write this:
It is important to get an education so that I can make a living.

I see excellent advice from Kathy. Like she said, they are minor ideas.
Panyapon, I think you generate ideas well and write well. When she says simple and straight, she means you should not make sentences that are too complicated.

Why did you make the first sentence of every paragraph separate from the body of the paragraph?
In my opinion, the world has been changing in many complex and various ways constantly and it is very difficult for ordinary people to keep up with them.

I think the object " them " is not clear in this sentence ( what does "them" stand for?)



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