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The important memorable day in my life - descriptive narrative essay


fat 1 / -  
Apr 13, 2011   #1
The important memorable day in my life was, in August 4 2004 when I started high school in the United States. I felt pleased and at the same time I was frightened because it was my first day of school and I did not have any friends. Although it was my first day in high school but it was excellent.

I did not know how to get to my classroom. I was lost and I had to ask one of the student about the room number where I was going to take a class. This individual name is Kim. She is a white girl, about 5'6, with a wavy hair, wore blue dress and flip flop. She acts like a normal kind of person. She was very nice and told me the right direction. When I walked into the school I saw a number of students and at that moment I felt odd. I became close to a girl who was from the same place I was. I asked for the classroom and we found that we were in the same room number and I felt less worried. I introduce myself and said "hello my name is Anisa Ali and I am new to this school," and she introduces herself to me. She said "hello, my name is Ikram and I am also new this school." Her name was Ikram. She is light skin, about 5, 4. Ikram wears a Muslim dresses such as black dress that is called abaya, head cover and high hills, she acted happy when she saw me because she is the only person from my home town. We came into the classroom, and the time to start classes began.

While we began our classes, all our classmates were quiet, nobody talked. After ten minutes the teacher arrived. She started the class and introduced herself to us. I looked around and I saw two girls who before I did. There names were Ilhan and Saeda. I called them and I talked with Ilhan and Saeda I introduced myself, then they did same and we began to know more about each other, Ilhan and Saeda asked me where I was from and I said "I am from Somalia." And then I asked Ilhan and Saeda where they were from and Ilhan said "she was from Ethiopia and Saeda said she was from morocco". After that, we spent the rest of the day together until the class was over. That day I am always going to remember because I had a chance to meet new friends and also met the most important friends that I have ever had.

As a final point, I think that it is ordinary that on the first day I feel nervous; however the things always have a happy finale, which is why I say that my first day in high school was a memorable of my life.
Nesreen 15 / 41  
Apr 13, 2011   #2
It was nice essay but you need to check up your grammar especially tenses ... there are some corrections:

I did not know how to get intoto my classroom.

I was lost and I had to ask one of the students
She actsed like a normal kind of person.
I introduceed myself
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Apr 15, 2011   #3
When you use "although," you do not need to use "but"...
Although it was my first day in high school, but it was excellent.

"one of the students"
"one of the coins"
"one of the days of the week"
(Always plural)
I was lost and I had to ask one of the student students about the room number where I was going to take a class.

Capitalize the name of the country:... said she was from morocco Morocco.

You have a very nice writing style! :-)


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