Unanswered [0] / Urgent [0]
 

Home / Writing Feedback /     

'important to make large amount to money' - essay


answers: 2
May 30, 2012, 12:52pm   #
Subject : Many people believe that it is very important to make large amount of money, while others are satisfied to earn a comfortable living .

Even though some people might be satisfied with the amount of money required for a living, I feel that it is important to make large amounts of money. Nowadays importance of money has increased due to the soaring prices which gives an impression an impression about the future.

On reason I believe that for large money requirement is that inflation has increased prices for everything. The prices for food item, medical , clothing and home have increased a considerable amount. This increase is enormous. My friend was interested in buying a duplex house last year so he started saving money for the house. But when he checked the price of a duplex house he was shocked to discover that the prices have shoot up five folds and his savings were not enough. So to buy the house he needs more money and the rate at which his saving are increased will not allow him to buy a house in next ten years. So even in this case large amount of money is required.

Another reason I support for having large money is that we do not know what will happen in future. There could be unpredictable events which will require large amount of money like a war or draught. A draught will again increase the prices of food items and a war will do the same thing. Moreover, in a war people have might have to look for a new place else where. In worst cases an individual might have to leave his country which would require even more money as you are be in a new place. Planning for the future requires saving which in turn requires more money.

The final necessity of more money is that family planning requires more money. As planning for children education , even their comfort require money. Children would require new things like a mobile , a better car , pocket money and going out for weekends or in holidays. Even taking care of elders like their medical bills and in uncertain cases hospital bills require large amount of cash in hand. There are many severe diseases where their is no other way but long medication like cancer and HIV which requires costly medicines.

In the end, I think an individual requires large amount of money to live as he has to plan for a number of things. Apart from this inflation which has increased prices considerably. All these leads to a conclusion that its important to make large amount to money to support a good living at present and for future.

May 30, 2012, 01:17pm   #
Hi,
I just focused on the introduction and I have some suggestions. I hope the comments be useful

Even though some people might be satisfied with the amount of money required for a living, I feel that it is important to make large amounts of money(use synonym. you previously used this term) (why do you think it is important??) (When you use the term "even though", the first sentence must be in variance with the second one. But in the first sentence of the introduction both parts of the statement are similar. Correct this!!). Nowadays importance of money has increased due to the soaring prices which gives an impression an impression aboutimpacts the people's lives in the future (I think you should move this sentences at the beginning of the introduction. Because this sentence is talking about some general issues. In addition, you should mention your opinion in the last part of the introduction) .
Regards
Ahmad
May 31, 2012, 12:32am   #
Thanks Ahmad for your advice. Request you review the whole essay I have corrected the sentence below.

Nowadays importance of money has increased due to the soaring prices which impacts the people's lives in the future Even though some people might be satisfied with only the required amount of money for a living, I feel that it is important to have hefty money for a comfortable living.

In the first part of the highlighted sentence I meant " people not having large money" but in the next part I mean that people should have large amount of money.



Home / Writing Feedback /

Thread closed ✓