Consider something in your life you think goes unnoticed and write about why it's important to you.
On a hot, sticky summer day, I was just another child marketing their very own lemonade stand. Of course, since I was only five I had the brilliant idea to make the lemonade from scratch, not knowing that lemonade requires more than just lemons and water, the lemonade was appalling. I remember sitting at my home-made stand, which was the end table from the living room, for what felt like forever just watching cars pass by without a second look. Just after I gave up and dumped the nasty lemonade, an older man pulled over. Of course I wasn't able to offer him a cup considering the lemonade was currently soaking into the soil, but that didn't stop him from offering ten dollars, which was a fortune to a five year old, and a warm smile. After he pulled away I remember feeling astounded and an overwhelming sense of gratitude. I had just received my very first random act of kindness. These acts go far unnoticed these days and seem to happen less and less as the years go on. That doesn't stop me from trying to hand them out as many chances as I can, whether it be holding the door open for a stranger or paying for a stranger's coffee. Small acts like these make the world a better and happier place. Too many people have lost hope in humanity and it's small acts like these that help people regain it. I personally love giving random acts out due to the smile it brings to others. It gives me a feeling of meaning and purpose, knowing that I just made a persons day just a little bit better. Unfortunately, there are people in this world that are either oblivious to these gestures or unfazed and ungrateful. I can recall many times where I hold open a door only for a grunt in return. People nowadays have lost sight of the real meaning of kindness and just let it go unnoticed. That is why I think random acts of kindness are really important and needed in today's society. These selfless acts are not only capable of bringing joy to the recipients but also to the givers. I want to be able to spread the idea of these random acts to the rest of the world. I want to show people how the kind actions they commit have the ability to make a big difference in someone else's life, no matter how big or small it is. I hope that one day no one has doubts about humanity because humanity is amiable and gracious. I want everyone to have the chance to feel the same gratitude and happiness I felt when I received my very first random act of kindness.
Hello, I can help you with any changes that need to be made to your essay. First, I think you need to have paragraphs. I will try to help you divide your essay into paragraphs too.
-In the first paragraph, you have a good description. However, in the first sentence, you are only writing about yourself. Change their to "my" in this sentence. I think you can make two sentences rather than one sentence. Place a period after scratch. Then make a new sentence that will read: "However, since I was unaware not knowing that lemonade requires more than just lemons and water, the lemonade was appalling." Home-made is actually homemade. Another sentence in this paragraph needs some of the words rearranged: "...but that didn't stop him from having a warm smile and offering ten dollars, which was a fortune to a five year old." Also, I'm unsure if you were trying to state "soaking into the sun" in this sentence. In the next sentence, place a comma after away.
-The second paragraph should begin with: "These acts go far unnoticed these days..." Make this slight correction to part of this sentence: "That doesn't stop me from trying to display kindness hand them out ..." Change this sentence: I personally love giving random acts out due doing random acts of kindness, due to the smile it brings to others. Change person to person's.
-The third paragraph should begin with : "Unfortunately, there are people..." Change hold open to "held open". Change part of the next sentence: "People nowadays Today people have lost sight of..."
-The fourth paragraph you could make a smoother transition by stating: "That is why I want to be able to spread the idea of these random acts to the rest of the world." Good job with this last paragraph!
Hi, gracoo!!!
Here I make some suggestions:
1. Please write the question completely so that readers enable providing meaningful feedback for your writing.
2. It is better if you give a space among each paragraph because your layout is important when you write an academic writing. Paragraphing also helps readers to understand your ideas easily. I can't distinguish the introduction from the body and the conclusion. Is this a paragraph or an essay.Personally, my first impression was bad because of the disastrous layout.
3.It's better that you tell us what type of essay are you dealing with, whether it's an SAT, TOEFL, TOEIC, IELTS, Common App or other type of essays
4.As for grammar, structure and style:
I have some minor remarks:
-I was just another child marketing their verymy own lemonade stand
-I personally love giving random acts out due doing random acts of kindness, due to the smile it brings to othersbecause of the smile it draws on others' faces.
Good luck !!
Hi! Like some of the previous comments, I think that splitting your piece up into paragraphs will help with the organization and flow of your thoughts. Adding some transitions between the paragraphs can help your ideas connect more smoothly. For example,
"After he pulled away I remember feeling astounded and an overwhelming sense of gratitude. I had just received my very first random act of kindness.
(P) These acts go far unnoticed these days and seem to happen less and less as the years go on."
At this point in your essay, you transition from introducing your personal experience to explaining how it connects to your main idea, so splitting them into separate paragraphs can help elucidate that fact.
- ..child marketing theirmy very own lemonade stand.
-.. .happen less and less as the years go onby .
- That doesn't stop me from trying to hand them outpay it forward as many chances as I can,
-...have lost sight ofto the real meaning of kindness
- I want to show people how the kind actions they commit have the ability toacts of kindness make
Indeed, it's a very good feeling to make difference in one's life, regardless of how small or big it is, it's an act that will prove you that human being is still on top of their game. The game of making each and everyone around us feel loved, valued and respected. I share the same hope as you, that one day, human being will forget about individuality and treat everybody equal and with utmost respect.
