this writing is more decent in comparison with your previous one. As you told and is obvious in this essay it follows a hierarchy and the reader coherently can follow your reasons and examples. I just found a minute problem, which it might be related more to your native language. I am not sure about your mother tongue but for my language, "Farsi" I have the same problem. In our language the sentence structure is longer and in comparison with English it is a little more complicated. the best way to tackle this problem is to write shorter and more simple sentences.
For example: 1-"The consumer goods are basic necessities of buyers which needed their day to day life requirements. By advertisement the manufacturers try to reach those goods to their potential buyers. Although , the advertisements can paly a key role in promotion of some goods, I believe the people buy what they need rather than what they hear or see about them."
if you see on the next paragraph easily you are able to omit some of the repetitive aor long sentences and make them more coherent and easy to understansd. there is a very good book for TOEFL nemed "Delta key to the Next Generation TOEFL" in pages 430 - 431 and 436-438 of this book you can find some exercises which sre very useful snd explain better what I mean. you can find the book free pdf file online and if you could not find that let me know to send it by email. 2- Hanging around the internet I found a file about "Plague words and sentences in IELTS". In this material I found that it is not correct to use the "Adverbial form of First, Second,..." I don't know why but i think is better to know.
some other correction can be 3- It is a good idea to use a vrieties of words in order to show your vocabulary, but try to not use some words which seems new and might be improper at your sentenses. For example: " disposable income"
, needs of individuals
varies from one to
income not only gives right to consumers to select a right commodity
but also, to decide how they would like to spend their money. For example- average income family or a person will not exceed limit to purchase an item that does not fit into his budget . Here the role of advertising
to created an awareness among the mass. Advertising
had has the
least influence on
decision making process-
that is, a decision of not purchasing an item.
due to in
globalization consumers are
informed and better educated not to fall in better aware of falling in the
trap of advertisement. These days, consumers are shifting their preferences to social and
and often manufacturers of these goods have a reputation and the reputation of manufacturer in these issues..
that they would not risk by making a false marketing or letting unauthorized person access their name.
. For example the "Bodyshop", a known cosmetic retail store in the world, is popular because renounced testing of its product on animals.
Bodyshop is a world renounced example and first of its kind to support campaign that said no to animal products and testing. Here they showed a true picture about themselves which made them favorite. Thus, it proves advertisement does not ignores the needs of society. sorry, I found the rest of the sentence repetitive which cut your points in testFinally, allocating a part of the profit from selling of some products for humanitarian purposes can be a good incentive for their popularity. For example, in India a small proportion of the profit in purchasing some products such as Whisper or Pantene can be sent for education of the kids who live in poverty; however there are a continous observation from the government and people to be sure about the accuracy and detailed rout of these spending.
Finally, advertising is contributing towards society by encouraging common mass to buy those consumer goods which donates a small portion of their profit percentage to NGOs. In India, for every purchase of Whisper, Pantine (all products) contributes a small profit to NGOs to support education for those children who live in poverty. On the other hand media is more active ever than before, covering small details of every advertising and continuously pushing government and regulation to take legal action if an advertisement makes a false promises about the quality. A large number of legal case on the manufacture of Fair & Lovely is one of the example. Thus, encouraging manufacturers to use true evidence for the promotion of their good by the means of advertisement
, I believe the
advertising neither effect consumers buying decision nor manipulates phycology of consumers's mind and not to forget it
is helping can be a help for some good cuses
. It only helps in making a product well
known and the sources of its availability. The government action even further guards the interest of common mass. Advertisements are more like an empty frame. You will see only what you want to see
Good luck and keep try on writing