Unanswered [1] / Urgent [0]
 

Home / Writing Feedback /     

TOEFL iBT-Inventing something new (machine to read people's thought)


answers: 9
May 7, 2011, 03:36am   #
If you could invent something new, what product would you develop? Use specific details to explain why this invention is needed?


Each of us has different wills and likes to have the especial devise for getting our wishes. Actually, if I could invent something new which will be useful for me and other people, I want to invent the machine has ability to read the people's thoughts. It is very beneficial invention and can help us determining our friends, satisfying them, and understanding the people who can't speak. As far as I'm concerned, I expand my reasons for this idea.

Suppose that you can be informed what your co-workers think about you, or if the persons who flatter you are really have the same interest to you or not. It is very critical for us to distinguish our real friends from people who just want to abuse us to reach their goals. For example, if we know that our co-workers don't have good intention about us we never propose them to share in triggering the business with us because it is probable they cheat in our partnership.

Besides, by such devise we can find what things will be made happy our friends or spouse. Indeed, we can buy the gift or do the work which we sure our darling will be so satisfied and by such way we'll improve our friendship or relationship more than before.

Moreover, we generally can find the baby's intentions with his/her crying or laughing and make correlation with disabled persons who can't speak, but we don't exactly know about their thoughts and feelings. In fact, by inventing the machine which could read the people's thoughts we can make close connection with such people. Really, it will be so amazing we know what baby's thought about his/her parents or other people around his/her.

All in all, I think inventing the machine which informed us about people's thought can be very popular through people. Who doesn't like to find his real friends, delight his dears, and make connection with his baby or his dumb sibling?

May 7, 2011, 09:06am   #
Each of us has different wills and likes to have special devices to achieve our wishes. Actually, if I could invent something new which will be useful for me and other people, I want to invent the machine that has the ability to read the people's thoughts. It will be a very beneficial invention and can help us determining our friends, satisfying them, and understanding the people who can't speak. As far as I'm concerned, I expand my reasons for this idea.

Suppose that you can be informed what your co-workers think about you, or if the persons who flatter you are really have the same interest to you or not. It is very critical for us to distinguish our real friends from people who just want to abuse us to reach their goals. For example, if we know that our co-workers don't have good intention to us, we never propose them to share in triggering the business with us because it is probable that they cheat in our partnership.

Besides, by such device we can find what things will be made happy make our friends or spouse happy. Indeed, we can buy the gift or do the work which will surely satisfy our darling and by such way we'll improve our friendship or relationship more than before.

Moreover, we generally can know the baby's intentions with his/her crying or laughing and make correlation with disabled persons who can't speak, but we don't exactly know about their thoughts and feelings. In fact, by inventing the machine which could read the people's thoughts we can make close connection with such people. Really, it will be so amazing if we know what baby thought about his/her parents or other people around him/her.

All in all, I think inventing the machine which could inform us about people's thoughts can be very popular among people. Who doesn't like to find his real friends, delight his dears, and make connection with his baby or his dumb sibling?
Read people's thoughts?! Great idea... but you might not like what you discover!

Remember this: If I can, I will. If I could, I would.
Actually, if I could invent something new which will be useful for me and other people, I would invent a machine that has the ability to read...

Ha ha, are you using the word dumb to mean "mute" in that last sentence? I want to warn you against using "dumb." It is a slang word to mean "stupid," even though it means "mute."

:-) Great job here!
May 10, 2011, 03:03am   #
Greetings !

Dear Mahrou ,

It is very hard to determine if you ask whether you are ready for the TOEFL or not. I would like to say , before you write any essays , please read some sample essays related to your topic. Somehow it helps you to enhance your essay writing ability with the strong appitude. Nobody is perfect, we all learn by mistakes.

These are my comments :

•Sometimes mistakes in grammar but language used is mainly accurate, Mistakes arise from more complex language use
•Some variety in sentence structure, However, generally repetitive sentences are found
•Mainly basic vocabulary. Errors in use of more ambitious vocabulary.
•Relevant points
•Some coherence in paragraphing
•Not very well organized points
•Essay is slightly interesting

Regards

Isai
Oh, I just noticed that you had written devise instead of device. I don't know if maybe that is the UK English spelling of device, but... anyway, Annika fixed it. "Devise" is a verb that means to "design" something or "plan" something.

Are you ready for toefl? I think you probably are, because even though you still have errors they are not serious errors.

If I was going to make a $100 bet, I would bet that you will pass but not with a perfect score. Still, I think you are ready to pass the test.



Home / Writing Feedback /

Thread closed ✓