Hello Everyone,
I need some tips about my essay from the grammatical and logical aspects. any comment will be tremendously appreciated.
<My essay>
The topic of the passage and the lecture talks about the side effects of those who practice altruistic behaviors, and what they gain in exchange by doing it. Some examples from the lecture have been pointed out as opposing examples to the passage, therefore, the lecture explicitly refute the passage in some points.
First, the passage claims that in a group of meerkats. Those who are employed to guard, are most likely to practice altruistic behavior, thus, when they stand guarding while the others are eating, they benefit nothing from this act. In fact, when they see a predator coming they give a cry alarm to alert the others to go seek for shelters, in contrast, the lecture refutes this point by claiming that when a sentinel is guarding, its stomach is already full and when it sees a predator coming it will be the first one who run away. In addition, the lecture claims that this alarm cry might cause the group who are eating at high risk.
Second, the passage claims that when humans are practicing altruistic acts, they gain nothing in exchange or least reward, however the lecture refutes that claim by saying that when someone gives a kidney to a relative or even a total stranger, they will be appreciated from both strangers and society.
In conclusion, at first glance, the argument in the reading passage seems to be somewhat convincing. However, based on the evidences that the lecturer provided, the lecturer refutes the points made in the reading.
The topic of the passage and the lecture
talkstalk about the side effects of those who practice altruistic behaviors
the lecture explicitly refute
s the passage in some points
First, the passage claims that in a group of meerkats.
... this is an incomplete sentence... what happens in a group of meekrats?
Overall, your structure seems to be pretty ok.... pay attention to the minor errors you made.
Dumi ,Thank you so much for your time.
why did you remove the -s "The topic of the passage and the lecture talks about", I was talking about "the topic" (topic = singular noun) thus it needed a singular verb, also I thought it was gerund. don't you think so?
