IELTS: More houses are needed in many countries to cope with increasing people...

Hi everyone !
Please guys correct my essay and give your suggestions)
Essay topic:
More houses are needed in many countries to cope with increasing people populations. Would it be better to build houses in-existing towns and cities or to develop new towns in rural areas.

Today, our civilization faced with one of the main problems in the world - population explosion... Every year fertility rate increases and according to the information sources current world population is over than 7 billion people! To my way of thinking, governments should create new cities if they want be developed.

First of all, I want to give some reasons why we should not construct new buildings in existing cities. The main issue is that with a large population, people in cities will have a lot of problems in their daily life. In cities where a lot of houses consequently, lots of a horrible traffic congestions, no places where people can walk , everywhere queues, very contaminated environment and polluted air, as well. For instance, in China because of building more houses than required people faced with such problems. Moreover, such conditions affects to citizens health and on their behavior. They become more nervous, stressful and bad-tempered. Eventually, in such situations no one country will not develop in a positive way.

Although, I would like to mention some benefits of building new towns. Certainly, it may seems laborious process to create new cities, but then it will be more beneficial for country and for citizens than building houses in overcrowded cities. People will live in good conditions, because they will not have any discomfort or pressure from urban lifestyle. Furthermore, city dwellers will live in healthy surroundings and will not have stress-related illnesses, standard of living will considerably grow as well. So, I feel that creating new towns will lead to economic and high social developments.

In conclusion, there are a lot of advantages of building new towns in rural regions, so we should only hope that people, who migrate to new towns, will increase the scope of development.

... If you change the order of the words, this would sound better;
Today, the population explosion is one of the main issues that our society faces.

I don't think the number of houses is the reason for these kinds of issues. It is the overpopulation that causes congestion and environmental problems. Also, this sentence has lots of grammatical mistakes.


These sentences seem to be out of topic. This is about how social and environmental issues have adverse consequences on people, rather than how building more houses affects people's lives.



However,


You should give examples to clarify the discomfort and pressure they have to face.