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An essay about having a mobile phone.


answers: 5
Jul 7, 2010, 03:50pm   #1
Hi everyone here , could you please help me in this essay. I will be delighted by this help.

Here is
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Having mobile phone.

The issue of whether to agree with having mobile phone or not is a controversial one. Which has sparked a major debate. I will first discuss arguments supporting having mobile phone, after which some views against that will be explained.

There is no doubt, mobile phone has many benefits, the most important of which is that emergency situation. For example, you are driving by the freeway and the vehicle jams you are stuck in a lone place, again call somebody and ask for directions. Another advantage which could be taken into account is concern for children. For instance, parents can be a little less worried about their kids by being in constant touch with them. In addition, entertainment is another benefits. For example, nowadays, cell phones are not just phone calls; they're about messaging, video, songs, games, alarm clock, notes, calendar, reminder, etc. So one equipment, lots' of uses.

Turning to the drawbacks, there are several of them. Most significantly is that using incorrectly. For instance, some people (especially teens) get so much addicted to cell phones for talking, video, messaging, games, etc that they forget the real purpose of the phone and waste large part of their time in unnecessary interaction over their mobile phones. Moreover, bacteria and virus are another disadvantage. For example , the surface of a cell phone has millions of bacteria and virus on it and that can be a strong reason of immediate skin problem on face or can result into other internal infections wherein the microbes creep inside the body through mouth or other openings. The last disadvantage is damage to the environment. For example , the battery parts and other electronic parts of a cell phone can be environmental hazard.

In conclusion, although having mobile phones has many disadvantages such as environmental problems. I strongly believe that its benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
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"In addition, entertainment is another benefits. For example, nowadays, cell phones are not just phone calls; they're about messaging, video, songs, games, alarm clock, notes, calendar, reminder, etc. So one equipment, lots' of uses."

This you should make another paragraph and elaborate more.

Most significantly is that using incorrectly
Try to change this sentence.
Jul 7, 2010, 06:25pm   #4
hi, i am a Ielts learner as well.Here are just some suggestions which may be not 100% correct.

The issue of whether to agree with having mobile phone or not is a controversial one. Which has sparked a major debate. I will first discuss arguments supporting having mobile phone, after which some views against that will be explained.

The first sentence you wrote is a little tedious and comfused.
why not make it more simple.
for example,
Whether to have a mobile phone or not has become a controversial issue in our society. In this essay, I will discuss some supporting views firstly, and then analyse some reasons against it.
At the end of the first paragraph, add a sentence. Make it a thesis statement that tells the main idea of your whole essay. In fact, you could move that last sentence of the essay and put it at the end of the first paragraph (take out the words 'in conclusion').

That way, you can write a new conclusion paragraph that makes even more points to support your argument! I like your argument.

Here is an idea: Most significant is the fact that people may use them incorrectly.

Google this:
how to write good topic sentences

Google this: how to write a thesis statement

:-)



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