Woman who loves me and sacrifice for me and my father - Grandmother, the inspiration of my life
Hi! i need some help on my essay. Please help me with the grammar. Thanks in advance <3
Grandmother, the inspiration of my life
I still remember every picture and actions of my grandmother, a woman who loves me and sacrifice for me and my father most. My father grew up in the north of Vietnam, and my mom and my family in the south of Vietnam. For the disadvantages of long distance, I could not visit my grandmother and grandfather regularly. Fortunately, in Tet Holiday in Vietnam when I was 7 years old, my parent took me to visit my grandmother and grandfather for a month. That was a really special trip because that was the first time I visit them since I was born.
Tet holiday in the north of Vietnam was usually cold in the winter season. My grandmother very worried about me, because she was afraid that I could not stay for long in the icy weather. For that reason, she walked from the house to the highway which was 5 kilometers away, and she did not forget to bring a hawker, a traditional carry tool in Vietnam including a meter-long bamboo stick and burden in the shoulder enclosed with you big or small baskets at two ends. She was right because my sister and I was shaking like an aspen leaf then she put us to the basket of the hawker and burdened to home. Even I was a kid, I still felt her love because I knew the average weight of carrying in shoulder was not easy at all. After 5 kilometer in the basket, we arrived at home where my grandfather seated on a cane chair, smoking a pipe tobacco with a hot tea and wait for us. I was very happy when I met him. He stood up and opened his arm to let me know that he wanted to give a hug. I did not wait for any second, and I run to his arm quickly to such an extent that he fell behind, then we laughed uproariously. That was our impressive welcome. My grandmother is very considerate, she understand that I am not willing to take a shower in this cold weather then she prepare for me a big vessel of warm water. After showering, she made for me a very delicious and traditional food, egg boiled, water morning glory with soya cheese and stir-fried medium sized edible snail which she collect in the field. After a cozy dinner, we moving to the living room and share all the funny things in the way we get there, talking about the different between the life in the city and the countryside. I have never had a real family time like this, a big family talking and laughing, I never forget this moment. Then we get back to our room and take a rest.
In the early morning of the next day, grandmother get up early and wake me and my sister up for preparing for the trip today. I was very surprised and curious because she told me that it will be very fun. While I was changing, she is get ready for the trip. After that, we walked for 10 minutes, we went through a village. It was very different with Ho Chi Minh City, from the road to the house, I can feel the peaceful atmosphere in here. Then we arrived to my grandmother's field. I was very surprise because of the beautiful scenery appear, the yellow of the field of the ripe fifth - month rice. The scenery is more beautiful when I can smell the aromatic flavor of the paddy, it was really good. Thenceforth, grandmother gave me the fatal shear and show me how to harvest the wheat. She taught me to keep the top of the wheat and use the fatal shear to cut the bottom of the wheat body and carefully put it in the basket in order not to let the rice come out to the field. We harvest and chatting, she make me feel a different feature of life, not boisterous, not fast as usual in the city. After 2 hours harvesting, we hook our products back to home and start to dry the wheat in the front yard. At that time, I realized the hardship of my grandmother then she was young because she need to work a lot to earn money to get a chance for my father to study in the city. We take a shower and prepare for lunch. I spent the whole time to help grandmother harvest and enjoy the countryside life. One month later, I left and prepare for school, I miss her a lot and I promised to visit her for every summer.
Due to the class schedule, I cannot keep my promise and I was really upset about that. However, I still call her regularly to tell her how good I am at school, how am I doing and many things around me. 2 years later, she passed away, I cried a lot because u cannot go to see her the last time. For some of the story she told me about the hard time when she need to feed my father. At that time, she was very poor and they have nothing to eat except sweet potato. She save all the food for my father and go to the field with the empty stomach. She told my father that he need to take care of his heath for the exam season, she is fine without food. For that action, I can feel the great love of mother to her son and I promise myself that I need to study hard to requite my parents. In my heart, she is the one who inspirited me.
Hi Vietan :-) You came to the right place. Let me see what I can assist you with here. The text corrections will be in red, added words in blue, and any comments I have will be in green :)
- I still remember the pictures and actions of my grandmother, the woman who loved and sacrificed for me the most. My father grew up... south of Vietnam. After they married, they raised their family in the south. Due to the distance between the north and south, I could not visit my grandparents regularly. Fortunately, The Tet holiday when I was 7 years old was a good time for my parents to take a vacation. They took me to visit my grandparents for a month since they had not seen me since I was born.
- This is a good introduction. You explained where you came from, the reasons you could not visit your grandparents, and then provided an interesting hook, the Tet holiday and the fact that finally got to visit your grandparents.
- I do not understand how this paragraph relates to what you said about her love and sacrifice for you. Nothing in the essay touches on that topic except the hawker. It would be wise at this point to revise your essay before any other grammar corrections are made because your content deviated from the prompt or title of your essay.
Once you revise the content of the essay to follow your thesis statement in the introduction more closely, we can review it for content again and, if it proves to be alright, we can start working on the grammar issues :-)
Havin' read your essay in detail, I can say, If i were in your shoes, I would better my use of tenses, otherwise it is ok.. You could read Edmond Murphy's books, for exapmle!!!
thanks a lot. i am going to rewrite my essay.
1. who loves me and sacrifice (sacrifices) for me and my father most (not needed- or: more than any other person)
2. my parent (parents) took me
3. I visit (have visited-or better: was visiting) them since I was born.
4. My grandmother (was) very worried about me, (not needer)because she
5. then (.) she put us (in) to the basket of the hawker and burdened (us) to home.
6. Even (though) I was a kid, I still (could feel) felt her love because
7. carrying in (on) shoulder -I cannot make sense of the whole sentence. It could be more mild.
8. After 5 kilometer (being) in the basket, we arrived at home where my grandfather seated (was seating-was seated) on a cane chair, smoking a pipe tobacco with a hot tea and wait (waiting) for us.
9. run (ran)
10. , then we laughed (which made us laugh) uproariously.
11. My grandmother is (was) very considerate, and she understand (understood) that I am (was) not willing to take a shower in this cold weather then (,so) she prepare(ed) a big vessel of warm water for me . (this all happened in the past--use the past tense)
12. she made for me a very delicious and traditional food, (:) egg boiled, water morning glory with soya cheese and stir-fried medium sized edible snail which she (had) collect (ed) in the field.
13. we moving (moved) to the living room and share(ed) all the funny things (that happened) in (on) the (our) way we get (to get) there,
14. different (difference, different is and adjective, but here you need a noun) between
15. Then we get (got) back to our room and take (took) a rest.
16. she is get (got) ready for the trip.
17. atmosphere in here (there).
18. was very surprise(ed)
19. We harvest(ed , I think) and (while) chatting
20. whole time to help (helping) grandmother
21. and enjoy(ing) the countryside life
22. , how am I (how I am)
Overal, the concept and the story is perfect and beautiful, encouraging the reader to continue reading; however, you really need to work on the grammar part; decide first if you are going to tell the story in the past or present tense. After that, make all the verbs like each other, so they would match the whole essay. There were still more problems with tense, especially at the end. Before her death, you describe everything in the present tense; however, it is a far far past.
