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Toefl essay: Governments should pay more attention on health care issue than ..


answers: 8
Dec 12, 2009, 02:30am   #1
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Governments should pay more attention on health care issue than environmental issue.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.


Actually, I did not have great idea during 30 mins. a bad performance :(


In modern society, many people tend to focus on health care issue; however, I disagree with this statement that government should pay more attention on health. Here is why.

First, environment becomes worse in modern society. If governments can not pay attention to environmental issue and provide a clean environment for residents. It may be a real reason to effect residents' health conditions. For example, I live in Taipei, a highly develop in manufactories city. Taipei has a great number of vehicles which emit a great amount bad air and pollute this city due to the fact that government does not concentrate on public transportation issue so that city's environment becomes worse; in addition, it causes a lot of people suffer from disease because they inhale too much bad air. Therefore, it is more important to pay attention to environmental issue than health.

Moreover, putting a lot of waste water to the river directly, factories avoid paying money to deal with waste water. If government does not limit them to pollute city's water resource, it may cause residents to drink waste water. Kaohsiung, another big city in my country, has a huge problem in water pollution. People, in Kaohsiung, afraid of drinking tap-water, so that they must pay more money to buy water in convenient stores; however, it is not convenient and unfair for them. If they drink a lot of tap-water, it may harm their bodies and force them to pay more money to go to hospital. Therefore, to handle the basic health problem, government should eliminate the environmental problems first.

For the reasons above, paying more attention to health issues, government can not solve the real health problems. A lot of people exposure to bad environment, especially in urbane areas. If government does not pay more attention to solve the basic environment problems, it is difficult to attain the achievements that enhance residents' healthy. Thus, I believe that government should pay more attention on environmental issue.

hi............
the first paragraph is very short and vague.
2 paragraph:
If you use (first), you have to have (second) and (third or finally)

If government does not pay attention to environmental issue and provide a clean environment to its residents..

a great number of vehicles which emit a great amount of noxious air. the pollution of this city due....
on public transportation issue,so that city's environment.
Dec 13, 2009, 08:55am   #3
In modern society, many people tend to focus on health care issue; however, I disagree with this statement that government should pay more attention on health. Here is why.

Your intro is too short and simple for a professional writer and it may lack necessary info.


First, environment becomes worse in modern society. If governments can not do not pay attention to environmental issues and provide a clean environment for residents, It may be athe real reason to effect residents' health conditions. For example, I live in Taipei, a highly develop in manufactories city a highly developed city. Taipei has a great number of vehicles which emit a great amount of bad air and pollute this city polluted air. it is due to the fact that government does not concentrate on public transportation issue so that, which makes city's environment becomes worse; in addition, it causes a lot of people to suffer from diseases because they inhale too much badpoisonous air. Therefore, it is more important to pay attention to environmental issues than health.healthcare issues

Moreover, putting a lot of waste water to the river directly, factories avoid paying money to deal with waste water.
Factories directly emit lots of waste water to rivers; however, they avoid paying money to deal with this problem.
If government does not limit them tofrom pollutepolluting city's water resource, it may cause residents to drink waste water. Kaohsiung, another big city in my country, has a huge problem in water pollution. People in Kaohsiung are afraid of drinking tap-water, so that they must pay more money to buy water in convenient stores; however, it is not convenient and unfair for them. If they drink a lot of tap-water, it may harm their bodies and force them to pay more money to go to hospital. Therefore, to handle the basic health problem, government should eliminate the environmental problems first.

For the reasons above, paying more attention to health issues, government can not solve the real health problems. A lot of people exposure to bad environment, especially in urbane areas. If government does not pay more attention to solve the basic environment problems, it is difficult to attain the achievements that enhance residents' healthy. Thus, I believe that government should pay more attention onto environmental issues.
I just focus on your grammar mistakes, not your ideas.
Hope it helps.
Cheers,
yin
Dec 13, 2009, 07:32pm   #6
hi

this is toefl essay topic

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Governments should pay more attention on health care issue than environmental issue.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

why topic use "on"

when I wrote this essay, I felt a little confusion between pay attention "on" & pay a attention "to"

btw, thx ^^
Oh, I understand! They wrote "on" in the prompt? That is a strange way to express the topic.

Governments should pay more attention to the health care issue than the environmental issue.
Governments should invest more attention in the health care issue than the environmental issue.
Governments should spend more money on the health care issue than environmental issue.

These are very difficult subtleties of the language as it is commonly used. It is okay to have your own style. Just read good books aloud to appreciate different kinds of rhythm in English, and you will use it brilliantly.



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