Unanswered [0] / Urgent [0]
 

Home / Writing Feedback /     

TOEFL essay: government should spend as much money as possible on social issues


answers: 8
Every government has its budget where it defines how much money should be assigned on what. In order to sustain normal activity of a state and its citizens, as well as provide high standards of living for its population the government should spends the vast majority of its funds on solving social issues, improving education, developing science and promoting various field of economy. That is why I think that the government should spend as much money as possible on what is of greater importance for people, which is solving the basic problems of the society.
All states consist of people that live there and, indeed, they all have certain social need. The main concern of every government must be the satisfaction of these needs and provide people with proper living conditions, because people create the government to assist them in working out solution for the type of problems that particular individuals are not able to deal with. How can a certain government assign money funds that are formed mainly with money that people pay to state in the form of taxes to the development of something that is too remote from their basic needs? It is not reasonable, for example, to Central African countries to spend money on development, let us say, on space technology or exploration of universe or promoting nuclear energy, if their population experience problems with employment, infrastructure and economy. Only after addressing all basic problems of society, which has not been achieved even in very developed first - world countries, a government may direct its attention and consequently the majority of its fund on developing space technology and the like.
Furthermore, there is no need to develop space equipment for further exploration of other planets appropriate for living if people will have everything that they need to satisfy their basic material and social need that are clean environment, infrastructure, good jobs, enough money to support household and their family. If people are satisfied with everything on the Earth they will not think of moving to another remote and unfamiliar place that definitely will not be better that our planet because it is unique and as proved still is the most perfect habitat for human.
On the other hand, governments may allocate some sums on scientific investigation of cosmos and other planets, because it is not impossible and rational to make obstacles for further progress of science. However, money spend on mentioned fields should not be significant and done on the basis of cutting off expenditures that are necessary for satisfying needs of society.
In conclusion, I would like to mention briefly that if governments spend money on fulfillment of people's basic needs that must constitute the main purpose of each government there will be no need to spend huge amounts of money on exploration of other planets. Therefore, I support the viewpoint that government should spend as much money as possible on solving the basic problem of society.

Apr 3, 2010, 07:12pm   #3
Every government has its budget where it defines how much money should be assigned on what.
I would try "Every government has a definite budget on specific issues." It sounds more concise than your sentence, which sounds a little awkward In order to sustain normal activity of a state and its citizens, as well as toprovide high standards of living for its population, the government should spends the vast majority of its funds on solving social issues, such asimproving education, developing science and promoting various field of economy. Usually in formal essays, try to avoid the use of "I" because it sounds much less professional. Try "The main goal of a government is to solve basic problems of the society, and that is why the government should spend as much as possible to empower what is important for the peopleThat is why I think that the government should spend as much money as possible on what is of greater importance for people, which is solving the basic problems of the society.
All states consist of people that wholive there within its rule and, indeed, they who all have certain social need. The main concern of every government must be the satisfaction of these needs and provide people with making sure that people have proper living conditions, because That is why people create the government to assist them in working out solution for the type of problems that particular individuals are not able to deal with. How can a certain government assign money funds that are formed mainly with money that people pay to state in the form of taxes to the development of something that is too remote from their basic needs? It is not reasonable, for example, to for Central African countries to spend money on development to develop, let us say for example, on space programs technology or exploration of universe or promoting or nuclear energy, if their population experience problems with employment, infrastructure and economy. Only after addressing all basic problems of society Are you sure about this? Most first-world nations, like the US, have already successfully dealt with these basic problems. , which has not been achieved even in very developed first - world countries, a government may direct its attention and consequently the majority of its fund on developing space technology and the like.
Furthermore, there is no need to develop space equipment for further exploration of other planets appropriate for living if people will have everything that they need to satisfy their basic material and social need that are clean environment, infrastructure, good jobs, enough money to support household and their family This paragraphs seems to be connected to the previous paragraph, so it seems unnecessary to start a new paragraph with a "furthermore". If people are satisfied with everything on the Earth they will not think of moving to another remote and unfamiliar place that definitely will not be better that our planet because it is unique and as proved still is the most perfect habitat for human.
On the other hand, governments may allocate some sumsresources on scientific investigation of cosmos and other planets, because it is not impossible and rational to make obstacles for further progress of science. However, money spend on mentioned fields should not be significant and be done on the basis of cutting off expenditures that are necessary for satisfying needs of society.
In conclusion, I again, try to avoid the use of "I" would like to mention briefly that if governments spend money on fulfillment of people's basic needs that must constitute the main purpose of each government there will be no need to spend huge amounts of money on exploration of other planets. Therefore, I support the viewpoint that government should spend as much money as possible on solving the basic problem of society.
Thanks, Xiao. I know that must have taken a long time!!

That is why I think that the government should spend as much money as possible on what the issue that is of the greatest importance for people, which is solving the basic problems of the society.

Here is a good way to write this sentence:
All states consist of people who live within its rule and have certain social need.


Furthermore, there is no need to develop space equipment for further exploration of other planets appropriate for living if people will have everything that they need require to satisfy their basic material and social needs: a clean environment, infrastructure, good jobs, enough money to support household and their family.


Good luck Azeri!! :-)
Work on using singular and plural nouns, like this:
Therefore, I support the viewpoint that government should spend as much money as possible on solving the basic problems of society.
Ok. :-) I must be more attentive to grammar; but what about the essence of the essay. You've read two of my essays. It seems to me that they don't resemble academic ones. I think that the thesis statements weren't developed well, because I generally have problems with finding ideas during 30 minutes that are required to write a TOEFL essay.
Azeri:
I think that the thesis statements weren't developed well, because I generally have problems with finding ideas during 30 minutes

Try thinking of it not as finding ideas, but instead as finding the "center" of your ideas as they arise naturally.

As you read through this essay, can you express the main idea in a single sentence? If so, put that sentence at the end of the first paragraph.

With this essay, the biggest problem is that "social issues" is so ambiguous. It is not very specific. Social issues include everything from education to immigration to religion. Is this really the prompt they gave you for the essay?

Anyway, I think the important thing to work on is grammar, because your TOEFL score will be based on that. As for style, I recommend a book by Strunk & White called the Elements of Style.
The topic was: Some people think that government should spend as much money as possible on developing space technology for the exploration of the moon and other planets. Others think that this money should be spent on solving the basic problem of the society. What do you think and why?

Where can I get this book?
Azeri:
Some people think that government should spend as much money as possible on developing space technology for the exploration of the moon and other planets.

Oh, I see! Well, you create a problem when you refer in general to social issues. Social issues refer to a lot of different things.
IMPORTANT: you must mention space exploration in that first paragraph before you give your thesis statement.

If you don't, you are not exactly answering the question.
A good strategy is to challenge yourself to answer their question in a single sentence: It is wonderful to spend money on exploring space, but it is not wonderful to spend money this way before society's more urgent problems are solved.

You can make "urgency" a theme for the essay. Every essay should have a theme. Also, when you argue with friends and teachers, use a theme to drive your points home. A theme is like concentrated orange juice -- it is information concentrated into a small packet... powerful stuff.

About the book! Google this: strunk and white elements of style
you can read much of it online. It will help you as you collaborate with people here.. thanks for helping so many people.
Please check out essayforum.com/ef-contributor-page/.



Home / Writing Feedback /

Thread closed ✓