It would be great if I could get some feedback on this essay in the context of the old SAT test. I really want to improve on creating relevance to my thesis within my body paragraphs, and linking support back to my main idea. I also want to know how to make my conclusion and intro stronger, and possibly what score range this essay would be in (1-12). Thank you!
Prompt: Are good decisions and bad decisions equally likely to have negative consequences?
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There is a definitive line between a bad choice and a good choice. Society may sometimes blur this line in an effort to sway the individual towards a certain side, but at the very heart of a situation, one decision will always have lesser negative repercussions than the other. In other words, one decision is clearly the good one, while the other the more disastrous one. Bad decisions entail greater negative consequences because they lack the consideration and patience that good decisions have.
Consideration encompasses careful thinking about all the upshots of an action; a bad decision does not take them into account. Lack of thorough thought leads to unforeseen catastrophe. A significant incident that shows this is the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Despite ending the war, the two blasts killed millions of innocent civilians and damaged the land for years to come. Had the US considered other options, such as forewarning the Japanese of the weapon's strength or even providing a physical demonstration of the bomb's power, the war could have ended with far fewer casualties. Without consideration of all possible outcomes, our decisions create more risks and danger.
In addition to careful planning, bad decisions are often made in a haste. When decisions are rushed, they may overlook problems or details that can grow bigger in the future. In J.D. Salinger's A Catcher in the Rye, protagonist Holden Caulfield runs out of boarding school on a limb, thinking he can make it by on his own in the real world. Yet the familiarity of a rushed teenage mindset soon actches up to him, and he finds himself low on money, provisions, and completely opposite of free. Instead, his premature decision leads him back to his parents' apartment, with nothing accomplished at all. Holden's decision was a bad one because he jumped straight into his plan without giving it a second though, and his problems eventually accumulated into one irrevocable mess.
Though it is impossible to ascertain the consequences of any decision, the chances of a negative outcome are not simply random. Whether the decision affects entire countries in a war, or the life of a single troubled teenager, certain actions always reduce the risk associated with bad choices. Without careful thought and patience, a decision can easily turn bad, and produce many of the negative consequences that a decision made with consideration and patience avoids.
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I would like to help you with your thesis and word choice in this essay.
First, I would like to begin by stating that I think this is your thesis: "Bad decisions entail greater negative consequences because they lack the consideration and patience that good decisions have."
2nd paragraph: Word choice: upshots could be "positive aspects of one action"
3rd paragraph: Another correction you could make is when you state make it by, this could read "could survive on his own". Misspellings: catches,freedom, thought. You could also state instead of jumped straight into: "hurriedly made plans".
This essay had two contrasts but it was written well. The two examples, thesis, and conclusion were well-explained. There were some minor errors in spelling, but overall I thought it was good. I'm not sure what the score will be but I think your word choice is even better then the last essay and the organization of your paper and sentence structure is good. Think about these suggestions as you continue to practice.
