'going to live once' - IELTS: worst diet

Some people claim that what people eat in many Western countries is unhealthy and that their diet is getting worse. Critics say that these countries should changes their diet.

What are your opinion on that?

People through the ages has undergoes many changes from the time when they hunted for food to nowadays when almost of them tend to get unhealthy fast food, especially when they live in a large modern country where the time is precious to be spoiled out even for our health. For many reasons I am totally disagree with this kind of life which should be changed in away or another.

In the following paragraphs I will explain some reasons of our new diet habits, while I will support my opinion and give some solution instead.

Life is going to be more complicated recently, therefore hard working is required to earn more money to get what we think we need, therefore we in large cities especially in Western modalities do not have a lot of time to move out of work or even to think about it. Hngrey wont wait us to finish our job, but we can get something fast to let it down, it is not bad if we do it sometimes, however if turned into a habit then it goes to be. The most recent researchs said that our malignancy could be a reason of bad nutrition, and scientists proved this theory in some gut malignancy, so whom want to suffer in his old age, instead of you can avoid that miserable end by avoiding any bad suspicious food, and depends on good nutrition even snacks.

As the life developed, its requerements developed also, and a lot of employees going to travel from one place to another to finish their work. No time to cook in these circumstances and the fast food is the substituation.

On the other hand, both parents work in the same time nowadays which means hard time to enjoy cooking or even to eat together.

Food claimed to be a support for our body, to help it to defeat against the disease and to be in a very good healthy built. We should not get involved in the pollution of our health, In the same time we have to criticize and insist our government to build natural resturants instead of any kind of bad unhealthy food ones. Health education is another sollution that our governemnt should care about it, in addition to family education and how to manage our life properly to be in a good healthy way.

In conclusion, we are going to live once so we must live it with healthy fit accompanied body.

Hi, it is a great essay. But I could not help but notice a few errors.
1) People through the ages have undergone many changes...
2)For many reasons , I totally disagree with
3)As the life developed, its requirement...
4) Details of paragraph 3 are scarce
Conclusion lacks examples.
Your essay is good. keep it up.

Pay attention to the grammar corrections that Vivian has suggested. Well-done Vivian! :)


This sentence is too long and you have tried to squeeze several ideas in it. So it doesn't deliver what you expect. Write short sentences and don't have too many ideas being told in one. That confuses the reader.

unhealthy fast foods

they live in a large modern country where the time is precious to be spoiled out even for ourtheir (the subject of the sentence is "they" so u need "their" here) health


It would be better to briefly state the reasons (several words) to show what points are going to discuss in the following paragraphs.

therefore hard workingworking hard ("Hard working" is an adjective for people who work hard)

Life is going to be more complicated recently, thereforehard workingworking hard is required to earn more money to get what we think wepeople/we need, therefore(two "therefore" in one row is not rational) we in large cities especially i...

HngreyHungrinesswont (do not use contractions in an essay) wait us to finish our job, but we can get something fast to let it down(a bit informal. Use another word such as "suppress")

The most recent researche s saidhave revealed that our ...


use passive sentences in writing and avoid using the words "I", "You" , etc.

...to finish their works


This paragraph is too short with a week support. U can make it stronger by stating some jobs with similar situations. For instance, traders or inspectors should travel form one place to another one regularly.


this paragraph is also short. In fact, this is just a topic sentence and I cannot call it a paragraph.

FoodIt is claimed that food isto be a support for our bodiesy , which improve the immune system against various infections and diseasesto help it to defeat against the disease and to be in a very good healthy built. We should not get involved in the pollution(what do u mean? pollution is not used in this context. Search the word "Body pollution" to get my point) of our health, Inat the same time we have to criticize and insist our government to build natural restua rants instead of any kind of bad unhealthy food ones. Health education is another soll ution that our governeme nts should care about it,pay attention to, in addition to family,education and how to manage our life properly to be in a good healthy way.(this sentence is not clear and has no support. Moreover, each paragraph should involve a conclusion at the end)

In conclusion, Before writing a clincher (ending statement) u should reword the topic or the first paragraph) we are going to live once so we must live it with healthy fit accompanied body.

Regards
Ahmad

Dear ah_zafari,

My words could not give full appreciation as I want to.

Thank you very much

Best regards

Hadi

The points that you have mentioned on your essay is perfect but the way that you have presented is quite wrong.
As we see the ielts essay samples, they always have an intro,3-4 paras of views and ideas relating to it and conclusion.Basically, it gives the examiner a clear structure as well the flow.So plan it before you writing the task

Spellings are also very important in ielts writing as there is chance of losing the score for spelling mistakes.

Good luck with ur exams.