This is one of my first essays for the AWA section of the gmat. Any kind of advice is more than welcome.
Thank you for reading it!
ARGUMENT:
The following appeared in an Avia Airlines departmental memorandum:
"On average, 9 out of every 1,000 passengers who traveled on Avia Airlines last year filed a complaint about our
baggage-handling procedures. This means that although some 1 percent of our passengers were unhappy with those
procedures, the overwhelming majority were quite satisfied with them; thus it would appear that a review of the
procedures is not important to our goal of maintaining or increasing the number of Avia's passengers."
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.
ESSAY:
The argument claims that Avia Airlines received a number of complaints regarding the baggage-handling procedures and, although the number of complaints received is very small with respect to the number of satisfied customers on this specifc issue, the argument contains several flaws in stating that there is no need to improve the procedure in question. Avia Airlines indeed believes that the number of passengers will stay the same or even grow in any case, without implementing any kind of improvement.
Firstly, Avia Airlines will lose those few unhappy clients. While it may be true that this would not affect the overall profitability of the company, it is also true that lost clients means lost revenue, which in the long term may end up affecting the company. There is no actual point in not trying to resolve the problem, especially in such lucky cases where the underlying reason is known.
Secondly, the argument does not take into account the fact that those few complaining passengers may spread the word with regards to the unefficient service by either informing other customers or spreading the news through the social media. This may not affect the number of already existing passengers, but it surely affects the one of the future or the undecided ones. What this means is that the profitability of the company is very unlikely to grow. Furthermore, in the case that profitability will stay the same, this cannot be assured for the future as many factors may affect the gains of the company, like an industry recession or higher components' costs, and it will be in those cases that Avia Airlines will regret not having solved the issue.
Thirdly, despite the fact that the process of improving the procedure may result costly at first, this could definitely result in greater benefits for the future. Solving the problem not only will attract new customers and keep the existing ones, as already said, but also will show that the company actually cares about the customers and its complaints. One of the core characteristcs of an efficient business is undoubtedly a well-functioning customer service.
In summary, the argument may seem reasonable at first, but looking at it through a long-term perspective, which is something that should be done especially in an important industry like the airlines' one, the decision of not taking care of the problem will end up hurting not only the profitability of the latter, but also its image. The correction of this inefficiency will result in higher revenue, more loyal customers and good publicity.
In my view, your essay is good but you have to know that there are 5 types of paragraph :
1. squence,
2. problem and solution,
3. cause and effect,
4. listing,
5. comparison and contrast,
and your essay is kind of listing, perhaps you can combine the each paragraph more complicated which adopt the different type or paragraph. As far as i know that you should make your reader more coriously, because your essay is predictable content. As a result i'm not really keen on to read it more.
Thanks for the advice.
I believe the same too, however in the GMAT you're asked to state two or three flaws of the argument and somehow group them in paragraphs. That's the reason why it ended up being a sort of list.
I'll definitely try to make it less that way then.
Thank you again!
