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'globalization brings different cultures together' - IELTS


gargankita 1 / 1  
Oct 22, 2011   #1
Topic - As mass communication and transport continue to grow, societies are becoming more and more alike leading to a phenomenon known as globalization. Some people fear that globalization will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity.

I am planning to write IELTS - General Test. Please review my essay writing.

The communication and transportation have increased and become much more easier in the recent few years due to globalization and information technologies. With globalization, as the multinational companies are expanding globally, they also bring their cultures to different countries and therefore, forming a multicultural society across the world. Having different cultures in a society gives an opportunity to know its core values, pros and cons associated with it and people's behavior of that culture and it indirectly help to make a strong relationship and effective communication among different countries.

With globalization, as the transportation has been increasing and becoming easier than past days, more people are traveling to different countries for higher studies and job requirements. Apparently people working or studying in foreign countries learn and speak foreign language as a demand of work or study, celebrate their festivals for enjoyment, dress up like them to fit in that society or culture, however, it does not mean that they are loosing their own culture and its just a matter of adapting new culture if its good for self or society. Many Indians are living overseas but the Indians culture to respect elders and giving importance to a family is not changed, no matter in which country they are living in, they still prefer to go home on festivals and consult important decisions within a family which indeed shows that people still have their cultural identity and which is not affected by globalization.

Moreover, everyone has their own view of culture and if it is related to the way we dress today , the food we eat and the lifestyle we are living in, then definitely it has changed a lot with globalization. Today, most of foreign brands from food to clothing are easily available in the market and people would like to try and buy these brands as it gives choice to select the best from a wide range of variety. The demand of ready made and fast food has also increased and lifestyle has changed drastically due to several reasons - For example both the parents are working or short of time due to more involvement in work and sometimes to overlapping office timings with other countries as part of their job which is not leading to healthy life in a long run.

Additionally, Internet and communication technologies have made possible to connect anyone virtually in any corner of the world. Today, people are more active and social at many networking sites like Facebook, Orkut, Google+ and many more. At these sites, information, news, ideas and knowledge are shared among online friends and followers. This medium of sharing information has a great impact on culture. Example - The India's most celebrating festival, Diwali, is known in most of the foreign countries and they know how it is celebrated. Tomatina is a one of the Italy's festival and last year, It was planned to celebrate this festival in India. So all in all, globalization, as the name indicates, making cultures to be known globally in any part of the world.

A lot of opportunities and changes have been coming with globalization which has impact on culture and lifestyle as well. The positive side of it is that it brings different cultures together by spreading more awareness and knowledge among people about other countries cultures, which is leading to globalization of cultural identity instead of its loss.
hugh_ng 3 / 9  
Oct 22, 2011   #2
1....become much more easier in the recent few years due to globalization and information technologies .---> much easier / technical advance.
2...they also bring their cultures to different countries and therefore, forming a multicultural society across the world ---> please be careful with sentence completion here: may be you would like to use the reduced-form of "forming" here, but could you rewrite into a full sentence? Definitely not since you are applying a wrong structure here. If you would like to use it, look at my stuff: they also bring their cultures to different countries, which form....---> ,thus, forming. "And therefore" should be used in parallel structure.

3...it indirectly help to make a strong relationship and effective communication among different countries.
4...For example both the parents are working or short of time due to more involvement in work and sometimes to overlapping office timings with other countries as part of their job which is not leading to healthy life in a long run---> wordy and grammatical mistakes. You should notice the way you form parallel structure.

5...Internet and communication technologies have made possible to connect anyone
---> have provided a chance for everyone to connect (concise and direct)
6...Tomatina is a one of the Italy's festival ---> festivals
7...A lot of opportunities and changes have been coming with globalization which has impact on culture and lifestyle as well---> The "which" here stands for globalization or opportunities (Vague connection) ---> Quite a few opportunities as well as changes which have an impact on culture and lifestyle have coexisted with globalization.

Nice to meet you
OP gargankita 1 / 1  
Oct 23, 2011   #3
Its really so kind of you that you reviewed my essay. I posted few essays on some other sites as well but I have not received any reply yet so this was the first time when I got reply. It made me really happy and motivate to write and post on this site.

Thanks a lot :)


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