IELTS: Gentle manners vs Material possessions.

A person's worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

A majority of people claim that the qualities such as honor, trust and kindness are not valuable anymore, as social status and possessions have become an identification of a person. While I admit that in some societies people are too materialistic, I would argue that the traditional values such sharing and honesty have even more impact on a personal worth.

One must note that brands like "Armani" or "Mercedes" have become status symbols for many people. As a result, people aspire to earn more money in order to keep a high status in their consumer societies. For that reason, men have started persuading the latest styles and fashion. In my town, for example, people are more judged according to their wealth rather than knowledge or any other quality. But the same case cannot be observed in all regions of my country.

Nevertheless, characteristics such as sharing, honor and kindness are still the paramount factors of getting social status. For example, a much respected person and the president of Uruguay Jose Mujica is described as "the poorest president of the world". Thanks to his qualities like sharing, honesty and kindness, he has got famous all over the world. In this sense, it is one very salient proof of the accuracy of my position.

In conclusion, I believe that the value of kindness outweighs any material possession and keeps being the most important achievement of everyone. From my point of view, every society is to choose gentle manners as a definer of social status.

(251 words)

you can explain this paragraph to be more specific,
as a result, we are as readers will be easier to catch your points that you want to deliver

Good start :)
A majority of people claim that the qualities such as honor, trust and kindness are not valuableso worthy anymore, as social status and possessions have become an identificationmore important criteria that are used to judge the worthiness of a person.

While I admit that in some societies people are too materialistic, I would argue that the traditional values such assharing and honestyhonor, kindness and trust(align your writing more with the task) have even more impact on a personal worthiness.


Actually, this is your example for the reason that you used to justify your position on the argument. So tell the reason first and then give the example to support that;

It is quite apparent that lifestyle of modern people define their status in society. For example, the brands like "Armani" or "Mercedes" do attach a certain status to one's profile in society.

The way I see it, you need to expand more on the end part where you finally begin to discuss your personal opinion on the matter. Although you presented both sides of the issue in earlier statements, you never claimed them to be your own. You need to answer the prompt of the essay by agreeing or disagreeing with the opinion that was presented to you. You need to make a formal stand either agreeing or disagreeing with the statement and giving an extended explanation in support of your opinion. The first two paragraphs make for a good introduction and general discussion on the prompt. You need to strengthen your personal opinion and conclusion in order to make the essay work. Expand the discussion and you will be on the right track.

Although you have made good points with a good explanation, you remained objective in a sense. You never picked a side and took it further. Expand on which side YOU think is important and incorporate that into the essay.

please do not express new idea in conclusion !
so you have support your idea. It is better to say ::
based on before mentioned ideas , every society isto should choose consider gentle manners as a definer of social status.

"In conclusion, I believe that the value of kindness outweighs any material possession and keeps being the most important achievement of everyone"

maybe this sentence has a little awkward phrasing, you should change the "keeps being" into something like "...is the most important achievement..."