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My Friends - a Challenging Paragraph


answers: 9
Hi

The teacher asked us to write a paragraph which contains these words
(Inclination, animosity, obscure, obliterate, low-key, intrepid, befuddled, befuddled, approbation, arbitrate, personify)

Here is my paragraph please check it if I use the proper meaning of the words


My Friends

Last summer, I spent my vocation with three friends with different personalities. Each one of them had inclination to do things as he thought it is right. My first friend was Tony who was totally obscure, and he preferred to be low-key all ...

SEE BELOW

Jun 27, 2010, 12:45pm   #2
Last summer, I spent my vacation with three friends with different personalities. Each one of them had inclination to do things as he thought it was right. My first friend was Tony who was totally obscure, - I'm not sure you can use this word to describe people's personalities.- and he preferred to be low-key all the time. For instance, when we wanted to go out and have fun outside, he always turned us down. Actually, that type of personality affected him badly because he got no connection to the environment around him. Accordingly, the community around him always befuddled him. The second personality was George who personified the animosity. In fact, he hated women too much, and he could not obliterate his memory from of a bad experience in the past. The last character was Ryan who was sociable and intrepid. For example, when there was a quarrel between two people, he liked to act as an arbitrator - the word you used was a verb; thus you cannot employ it this way. May be you should restate it to: he liked to arbitrate - to get them back together. Also, he was always treated by others with great approbation because of his achievement in life. In brief, spending vacation with different types of personalities as I had is going to be a very marvelous holiday for you.- why? this conclusion is not appropriate in this para since you've just described your friends, and didn't talk of your impressions from spending time with friends.
Jun 27, 2010, 01:23pm   #4
Hi, Nesreen

Usually, a conclusion is a brief summary of information discussed in an essay and consists of repeating the main points. However, you introduced a different idea in your writing which was not mentioned or implied to.
Hi Azeri,

My topic sentence was about the different types of personalities that I had spend my vacation with. then in my supporting ideas I describe these personalities. At the conclusion I state my feeling of spending your holiday with these different types of Personalities.

Please write a sentence of conclusion I want to see your opinion.

:)
Hi All,

This is the last correction but I have problem with using these two words
(Obscure, low-key) please help me and check the others....

Last summer, I spent my vacation with three friends with different personalities. Each one of them had an inclination to do things he thought was right. My first friend was Tony. He was totally obscure, and he preferred to be low-key all the time. For instance, when we wanted to go out and have fun outside, he always turned us down. Actually, that type of personality affected him badly because he got no connection to the environment around him. Accordingly, the community around him always befuddled him. The ...

SEE BELOW
This is a great idea for an assignment! Tell your prof I think s/he is very cool and smart.

He was totally obscure, and he preferred to be low-key all the time.--- this does not show that you know the meaning of obscure.
He preferred to be low-key all the time, opting to be obscure and avoid the spotlight.

got is a bad word to use here:
Actually, that type of personality affected him badly because he got made no connection to the environment around him.


Ha ha, I think hating women at all is too much, so "too" does not belong. Unless there is an appropriate amount of hatred to feel toward women:
In fact, he hated women too so much because he could not obliterate the memory of a bad experience from the past.

Your last challenge is to revise the use of intrepid so that the context shows that you know the meaning! :-)
Jun 29, 2010, 11:10am   #8
This is one of possible versions:

Last summer, I spent my vacation with three friends with different personalities. Their temperaments affected their communication with people, since each of them had inclination to do things as he thought it was right.

...........

In brief, each of my friends possessed distinct characters, which influenced their relations with other people and attitude towards the environment in general.

hope, this will help.
This is the last Update:

Last summer, I spent my vacation with three friends. They have different personalities. Each one of them had an inclination to do things they thought were right. My first friend was Tony. He was totally confused and preferred to stay/ remain a low-key all the time. For instance, when we wanted to go out and have fun outside, he always turned us down. Actually, that type of personality affected him badly because he got no sympathy with people around him. Accordingly, the community around him always befuddled him. The second personality was George who is a personification of misogynistic. In fact, he hated women too much, and he could not obliterate a bad experience in the past from his memory. The last character was Ryan who was sociable and intrepid. For example, when there was a quarrel, usually for obscure reasons, between two people, he liked to act as an arbitrator to get them back together and get rid of the animosity between them so they reconcile their differences. Also, he was always treated by others with great approbation due to his achievements in life. In brief, spending my vacation with different types of personalities was really exciting for me. I got to learn about difference personalities and how to behave with them.



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