Thank you. What if I add something in the end of the 1st paragraph like this:
Whenever we trace back the history of human civilisation, magnificent and breath-taking masterpieces in all sorts of patterns will definitely make us very much proud of our ancestors' power of imagination, innovation and creativity. However, whether creative artists should always be given the feedom to interpret their innovative thoughts into words, pictures, music or films, remains a controversial issue. On balance, I fundamentally agree with the notion that government restrictions should be involved in some amount, and my points are discussed below.
As for the 2nd paragragh, is it better to make a change in the end of it as follows:
Although their rights to express their creativity should always be defended, artists are playing such an important role in society, especially among the adolescents, that somehow there should be government restrictions on what they create. Take the performing arts, behavioural arts to be specific, for example, which is now widespread through the Internet. Sometimes, the behavioural artists are going to far away from the bottom line of aesthetic values. Teenagers surfing on the Internet without parentally accompanied are simply exposed to some misleading images or videos which are usually hard for them to understand. Younsters see from these materials nothing but violence and pornorgraphy. On this kind of occasion, government restrictions are difinitely necessary to get involved. For instance, the Chinese government is now funding a filtering system for the teenagers, namely Green Dam Youth Escort, aimed at restricting online pornorgraphy.
And, I realised that there were no argument supporting the positive artistic activities
, so I decided no to mention this as following:
In sum, creative artistic activities, from my point of view, should be valued and encouraged. But meanwhile, government restrictions are prerequisite to make sure that what is left behind to our descendants are more civilasation legacies rather than moral poisons.
Let me know if any suggestions. Thank you for your help:)
Thank you very much. I am trying to think of something I can add to the end, too...
So, is it a good idea if extended explanations of the aesthetic values and the bottom line are included? Yes, I agree that art should not be limited either. But, you know, this does not mean art should be unlimited. Sometimes, it is only technically art
, right? :P