Nowadays, the importance of foreign language has been recognized not only in the school, but also in the society. Therefore, many experts think that children should start learning foreign language at elementary school rather than middle school. In my opinion, it is good for children to learn a new language. However, it could be overloaded for them to learn many subjects at primary school.
There are several reasons why children should learn foreign language as soon as possible. Firstly, there has been little scientific research into such in which ages children learn language much better, so there is an evidence to support the above idea. According to the result of the research, from the ages of 5 to 10, children can easily master a new language, because their brain have enormous spaces to adapt to new things. Furthermore, children have better memory system than adult. They can remember things, such as languages, in a long time. This reason is that they learn things through imitation. In my homeland, children begin learning a second language at primary school. They learn English in class, as well as activities, for example, singing, visiting zoo with English-speaking tour guide, etc.
In the other hand, we should consider the overloaded situation at primary school now. It is a contentious issue for many parents. They argued that their children have to learn so many subjects, and some of them are unnecessary. Additionally, children need free time to develop themselves and enjoy their childhood. We should not force them to learn too many subjects at primary school. For instance, children in my home have to learn 12 subjects and a second language, such as English, in 2 semester annually. They are completed overloaded due to this kind of educational.
In conclusion, I strongly agreed that foreign language is very important to learn. However, it might be learnt at primary school as an optional subject, which is not mandatory.
I can help your essay. I would like to focus on word choice and meaning:
1st paragraph: The first sentence should have this correction: "Nowadays Today, the importance of foreign languages has been recognized not only in the school, but also in the society." The next sentence you should make this correction: "...learning a foreign language in elementary school..."
The last sentence you should change the word overloaded to "overwhelming". Also, you should add a word throughout your entire essay when you make this statement: "at a primary school". The word "a" needs to be added before primary.
2nd paragraph: Add "a" before foreign. The next sentence you could make these changes in word order: First, there has been little scientific research into such in that suggests which age children learn language much better. so there is an evidence to support the above idea .
Since there is little scientific research, the idea cannot be supported it can only be assumed that a child could learn a language. The next sentence change this word to "results" and delete this words: have enormous spaces . A better choice of words to use rather than enormous spaces is "has the capacity". The next sentence place "a" before better. You also want to end the next sentence by stating "for a long time".
The last sentence I will help you correct: They learn English in class, as well as and participate in activities, for example, such as singing, and visiting the zoo with an English-speaking tour guide, etc. Try to avoid using for example in the middle of a sentence. It is better to start a new sentence using "For example". This is the reason why I deleted those words.
3rd paragraph: The transition to use is "On the other hand". Remember overloaded should be "overwhelming". Argued should be "argue". I think you should spell the number "two semesters annually". The last sentence you can use overloaded and educational should be "education".
Final paragraph: Make this change: "...agree that a foreign language..." Also, make this last change: learned at a primary school as an optional subject and not mandatory. "
I know that there are many changes, but I think it will help you make your essay better. I hope this helps!
