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Firstly by participating in community service , one becomes more responsible and independent.


answers: 9
Jul 27, 2013, 02:18pm   #1
TOPIC: Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Community service is being seen in most part of the world nowadays. Usually, its the younger generation who are actively participating in such services. Although some may argue this should not be included as part of the high school curriculum, in my opinion, I am strongly supporting the point that this should be part of high school programs. I will justify this by explaining how community service can make people more responsible and improve their social skills.
Firstly by participating in community service , one becomes more responsible and independent. For instance, if a person is assigned to teach young children about a particular subject, it would be his responsibility to make sure his students learn everything. This clearly shows how the trait of responsibility is instilled in him. And this will pave the way for a brighter future for people as responsibility is a main characteristic that people look in for during job interviews and all.
Secondly, such activities will make a person more socially likeable as they are doing something positive for the society. Due to this, the person involved in community services will have a great improvement on their social skills and will learn to better interact with others in society and they might find some hidden potential within them like leadership qualities. Such qualities and traits are highly in demand in the current job market which will make sure that the young generation have bright future.
In conclusion, I reiterate the statement that community service should be a mandatory part in high school programs and as seen above , this will lead to the younger generation having a brighter future and will be an example for further generation to follow them to make the world a better place to live in.

Please rate my essay.. Your comments/feedback will be highly appreciated.

THanks

Bob
Jul 27, 2013, 08:05pm   #2
bobinv:
Community service is being seen in most part of the world nowadays
.............. seen what? ................. This is your introduction and it is very important to grab the reader's attention towards your writing. So whatever you say here should provide them a good hook to make them become interested in you writing. Therefore begin your essay with a more meaningful and relevant statement.
bobinv:
I will justify this by explaining how community service can make people more responsible and improve their social skills.

This is not really necessary. You have to do this in your body paragraphs.
Jul 27, 2013, 10:01pm   #3
Thank you for the comments Dumi. I always find it hard to come up with an introduction statement. Still working on it sadly but I am sure eventually I will be able to cross that hurdle
Jul 28, 2013, 03:14am   #4
bobinv:
Thank you for the comments Dumi. I always find it hard to come up with an introduction statement. Still working on it sadly but I am sure eventually I will be able to cross that hurdle

It's not so hard dear. Look at your prompt;
bobinv:
Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Have these three parts in your introduction;
1. Hook - An interesting statement to catch the reader's attention - e.g. Community service is an important activity that aims at giving a hand to the people of communities to bring up their neighborhood.
2. Background - Give the context to the reader
2.1. Definition of the question - e.g. In most parts of the world, students are required to engage in voluntary community service.
2.2. Importance of the question (why it is important to discuss this argument) - e.g. However, due to the study pressure and work load that students are required to cope with, some students feel this an unfair requirement.
3. Thesis statement - Express your view e.g. [i]However, I believe that unpaid community service should be made mandatory for high school students because it makes them more responsible, independent and helps them learn important social skills.[/i]
Jul 28, 2013, 04:26am   #5
I will help you with your intro,here is my idea:

Nowadays,the younger generation are encouraged to participate in community service activities as it helps them grow and develop themselves to become
good members of the society.


bobinv:
In conclusion, I reiterate the statement that

It is not advisable to say this in an obvious manner.Instead, you should summarize the keypoints you have mentioned and relate them to the topic
or your stand, why you agree or disagree, without telling the reader directly that you are just repeating your statement in your conclusion.

hope this helps....
Jul 28, 2013, 08:59am   #6
dumi:
Have these three parts in your introduction;
1. Hook - An interesting statement to catch the reader's attention - e.g. Community service is an important activity that aims at giving a hand to the people of communities to bring up their neighborhood.
2. Background - Give the context to the reader
2.1. Definition of the question - e.g. In most parts of the world, students are required to engage in voluntary community service.
2.2. Importance of the question (why it is important to discuss this argument) - e.g. However, due to the study pressure and work load that students are required to cope with, some students feel this an unfair requirement.
3. Thesis statement - Express your view e.g. However, I believe that unpaid community service should be made mandatory for high school students because it makes them more responsible, independent and helps them learn important social skills.


Thanks again Dumi.. These pointers will surely get me going :)

gmad06:
will help you with your intro,here is my idea:

Nowadays,the younger generation are encouraged to participate in community service activities as it helps them grow and develop themselves to become
good members of the society.


Thanks for a sample intro. I have taken your advice. Hope I will be able to write better essays from now on.

Wish me luck
Aug 2, 2013, 04:15am   #10
bobinv:
And this will pave the way for a brighter future for people as responsibility is a main characteristic that people look in for during job interviews and all.

I think you should replace the second 'people' by 'employers'. I'm quite confused when I read to there

bobinv:
Due to this, the person involved in community services will have a great improvement on their social skills and will learn to better interact with others in society (how to interact with others in the society better and they might find some hidden potential within them like leadership qualities

The main subject in this sentence is 'person', but you use 'their' in 'their social skills'.

bobinv:
Such qualities and traits are highly in demand in the current job market, which will make sure that the young generation have bright future.


Well, your ideas are quite good but you need to pay a little more attention to the grammar!



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