Over the last few decades, the work
has improved steadily. In addition, most people spend their time at work and job satisfaction is an important part of individual wellbeing.(Try not to put back exact words from the prompt)
First of all,
as the factor of matter(did you mean to say, 'as the most important factor'?)
think aboutwhen it comes to
work is the
salary because money is the most important influence in their life. Besides,
surroundings are also deserveda good environment is crucial
. (you do not mention 'surroundings' before this)
If the office is dirty or not suitable for work, people
working inresiding the
they dothus would
not want to work in there. Thirdly, the
wellbeing for workers in the company is quite important because while they work in the company, they want to improve their life or environment. If the company does
not want to work in
company anymore. These are quite important elements for them.
These are tru
to the president of company because the president
the power to control workers. If workers want more salary or
environment, they should
move their work togo work for
other companies. They can
or a higher
salary but the company does not
accept their requirementconform to their demands. soTherefore
to fight compan
to get (you could use a better word like 'procure' or 'obtain' instead of 'get')
better rights for the employees of these companies
. These days, most companies of the world have many risks on running so they reduce the number of
the workers to other places which are away from their house.(how does moving workers to other places have to do with the risks companies have with 'running'?)
Having discussed the above, These elements are quite important to the satisfaction of workers. In addition, these are not totall
y supposed to be realistic because the company does not have enough money to give to workers.
I've only corrected your grammatical errors and faulty usage of words. The other problem of your writing is the lack of organization, and yes, you do stray from the point.
If you're going to write an essay, it's helpful if you plan it first. Like so:
Essay Thesis Statement (Main point of your essay): Work satisfaction is important to workers, but many companies don't seem to care about it.
Paragraph 1 (Intro): Put thesis statement here, just in more sophisticated words. Give some points you will include in your essay.
Paragraph 2 (First Point): This paragraph is going to be about why work satisfaction is important to workers. For instance, you said that workers need good salaries and clean environments. Good, then you must say why good salaries and clean environments are important to them. It would be nice if you gave examples too, like "For example, my mother had to quit her job because the workplace was so dirty, she couldn't get any work done."
Paragraph 3 (Second Point): This paragraph is going to be about the companies' lack of care about the workers' situations. Say why companies don't care about workers (e.g. they think workers are expendable). Remember, if you're going to make a claim like this, you're going to need examples, like maybe the nurses' strike in Martinique because the hospitals weren't giving them enough breaks.
Paragraph 4 (Conclusion): Here you're basically putting back your Thesis Statement, but using different words/sentence structure.
Good luck practicing! And don't call your essay valueless. Practice is never valueless.