Recently there has been no shortage of heated discussion about adopting monetary punishments in solving traffic accidents or other solutions to tackle this problem. In my opinion, I strongly believe that financial punishment is the most effective way rather than other solutions.
First of all, it is undoubtedly natural that economic effects are the most worth-concerning issue for most people when trafficking; therefore, financial fining can be an effective tool to reduce the percentage of illegal driving. Added in more, monetary obligation required for illegal drivers is usually higher than theirs economic capabilities; as a result, people can be much more careful when driving. Secondly, in some specific cases such as being unable to pay off the cash, those people are forced to complete community restitution. Apparently, instead of imprisoning or capturing drivers' licenses or vehicles, financial penalties can significantly reduce the rates of traffic infractions.
Nevertheless, this policy also has some negative drawbacks. In particular, if over using this policy in large-scale, this might lead to the greatly contempt of traffic laws of the minority of the so-called high social standings or rich people since cash is not a matter for them. Furthermore, negative thinking may also be formed in the citizens' awareness about this policy can be the tool to enlarge the budgets of traffic polices and their authorities. However, these advantages cannot outweigh its effectiveness and efficiency.
In conclusion, in my personal view, monetary penalties are the most possible solution to reduce the rate of traffic infraction as long as the authorities do not apply it widely for civil individuals' economic profits.
The first paragraph only needs a comma after "Recently". It is very organized and I am able to understand what you will be discussing in your essay.
In the second paragraph, the first sentence needs revision. Do you mean that it is only natural that the economic effects of traffic accidents are a concern for most people? If you state this, then you have to make a connection between traffic accidents and illegal driving. The next sentence needs a better transition word such as "For example, the..." Change theirs to their. Change this sentence to: "...as a result, people can be should be much more careful when driving." Change the next sentence to "pay off the fine with cash". When you use capture, it could have a few meanings. To be more specific in your explanation, you could use the term "revoking driver's licenses".
In the third paragraph, change in large-scale to "on a large-scale". Change this sentence: greatly contempt of traffic laws for the minority, and those with so-called high social standings or rich people..." I think you should end the sentence by stating the effect would go unnoticed. I think you are trying to express that those with more money may experience these effects, but not receive a hardship like others. The next sentence is difficult to understand. Change the last sentence in this paragraph from advantages to disadvantages.
The last paragraph, I think you are discussing the best possible solution or a possible solution. If you have researched information in your essay, cite these sources in your essay. Give your sources credit (i.e. book, internet, etc). Also, you could add one or more sentences for a better conclusion.
I hope this helps!
- therefore, financial finingpenalty can be an effective tool to reduce the percentage of illegal driving.
- Added in moreIn addition , monetary obligation required for illegal drivers is usually higher than theirs economic capabilities; as a result, people can be much more careful when driving.
- Apparently, instead of imprisoningserving jail time or capturing drivers' licenses or vehicles, financial penalties can significantly reduce the rates of traffic infractions.
- In particular, if over usingthe abuse of this policy in large-scale, this might lead to thea greatly contempt of traffic laws of the minority of the so-called high social standings or rich people since cash is not a matter for them. -
- Furthermore, negative thinking may also be formed in the citizens' awareness about this policy this can be thea tool to enlargeincrease the budgets of traffic polices and their authorities.
Tuananh, I made a few corrections on your essay. You have a good point in this issue and I can see you are practicing to write more which is very good. A friendly reminder, mind the following;
- linking verbs
- verb forms
- proof read all the time
Keep writing
Cheers!!!
thank you so much for such great suggestions. I will try my best!
capture drivers' licenses-> suspend
As far as I am concerned, more scholars, who focus on formal writing, will write the first paragraph with covering a background of task and wide of thesis statement.
If I am you,I will rewrite your introduction below,
Recently there has been no shortage of heated discussion about adopting monetary punishments in solving traffic accidents or other solutions to tackle this problem. In my opinion, I strongly believe that financial punishment is the most effective way rather than other solutions.
A closer look at my example:
It is argued that an issues of traffic punishment is debatable for some reason. This public debate arouses citizens' interest to come up with their idea that financial penalties for traffic violators is more effective than implementing other regulations such as taking vehicle documents. Therefore, I strongly believe that both arguments have different perspectives in terms of traffic violations.
