Unanswered [30] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4


Movies industry has greatly soared up for the recent decades


bemytthm 3 / 5  
Oct 18, 2010   #1
IELTS Essay: Explain why movies are popular

297 words/ 40 mins. Thank you in advance.
---------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------
Movies industry has greatly soared up for the recent decades. Since the first movie was successfully introduced a hundred year ago, films have been widely public and become one of the most favorite entertainment activities. This essay will look at some reasons explaining which features have made movies such prevalent.

Firstly, culture from various nations can be exchanged. Indeed, by film scenes, the lives, customs, and histories of people from all parts of the world are lively reflected. For instance, watching chinese movies furnish me with a thorough knowledge of its history, which is much more compelling than reading any chinese dull historical books. Likewise, Japanese traditional customs as "Kimono" can be publicly advertised through Japanese movies. As a result, it is movies that make a significant contribution to encourage understanding between nations.

Secondly, movies can entirely satisfy human being's desires. New technologies appeared in films allow it to achieve imaginary scenes, which even goes far beyond human being's imaginativeness. Indeed, people are well able to discover planets which are thousands of years of light far from the earth, or encounter strange creatures from the universe. By that way, one's imaginativeness can partially fulfilled and in some aspects, films encourage human beings to achieve such a world in the future.

Finally, while watching movies, we feel greatly entertained and amused. After long hours working hard, we can release our strain by enjoying our favourite movies. The movies which contain facetious features is a quite very useful tool to help us relaxed. Hence, we certainly feel more optimistic and are likely to honour our life more.

To sum up, however while movies in some extent have its drawbacks, the limitation is far outweighted by the benefits. And it is those features that have made movies well widespread.

---------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------
pierre11 2 / 2  
Oct 19, 2010   #2
Hello bemmytthm,

Excellent essay, you had very good ideas. Just improve your grammar a bit.

One remark about the conclusion:

'To sum up, however while movies in some extent have its drawbacks, the limitation is far outweighted by the benefits. And it is those features that have made movies well widespread.'

- do not mention the drawbacks : you made an argument essay, so you just have to find ideas that support your opinions (what you did the right way). Just repeat your thesis in the conclusion by writing 'It has been clearly shown that...'

- try to finish by a sentence schowing your expectations or your predictions :
'It is expected that movies will continue to promote cultures and expand people's imagination in the foreseeable future'.

Also try to avoid saying 'those features', try to explicit as I said above those features=to promote cultures and expand people's imagination

Very good work overall, seems band 6 to 6.5 for me.

Pierre11
OP bemytthm 3 / 5  
Oct 19, 2010   #3
Thank you pierre11:
- Yes, I made my mistake when making the conclusion as the discussion's style. I'll take care of it.
- I learned a lot of new vocabulary from u.
ayida365 7 / 33  
Oct 24, 2010   #4
Think you should change "firstly, secondly..." to "first, second".
Secondly, movies can entirely satisfy human being 's desires. ("Human being" seems too scientific.)
Firstly, culture from various nations can be exchanged. You can change it into "First, film provides us a way to exchange culture from various nations." It seems more natural and comfortable.


Home / Writing Feedback / Movies industry has greatly soared up for the recent decades
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳