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Essay about the effects of participation in a sport?


answers: 1
Sep 25, 2008, 01:18am   #1
Hi,

I have to write an essay about the effects of participation in a sport ( which i choose soccer). It need 5 paragraph, but i only have 4. I'm stuck on writting the conclusion. Can someone please read this essay and give me some idea on how to write the conclusion? Also please help me check for grammar errors,too.

Here is what i have so far......

Sport. I don't know what people think when they hear the word sport. As for me, whenever I hear the word "sport", a picture of me playing soccer always come to my mind. Ever since I was six, I had always loved to play soccer. Soccer is a very popular sport in my country, Vietnam. To me soccer means more than just a sport. It's a way of me showing people that there are many benefits one can get through playing just any sport. Playing soccer has provided me an opportunity to develop physical abilities, make long lasting friends and most importantly having fun.
When I was little, I know that I have a very weak body. I have to stay at home and miss school a lots because I was sick all the time. One day, I become so sick that my mom had to bring me to the hospital. When the doctor had finish with the check-up, I remember asking him one question "What do I need to do to not get sick all the time?" And he told me that I need to find a sport I love to play. He said that "Sports are also exercise!" And when you exercise you will become stronger and healthy and that will keep you from being sick all the time. After getting out of the hospital a day later, I immediately asked my mom to drive me to the sport's store to get me a soccer ball. So I begin to play soccer ever since. As time pass, I realize that what the doctor told me that day was all true. By playing soccer everyday, it had helped me exercise on a regular basic; therefore, my body had become stronger and is able to defend against the viruses that were causing me to get sick.
I am very quite and shy, so it is extremely hard for me to make friends. Sometimes, I wish that I can be like those people who can easily make friends. But ever since I started playing soccer, my wish has slowly beginning to come true. I have met and become best friends with so many people. These people are the one who share the same interests and the same passion for soccer like I do. They are the people that have gone through so many things with me. Whenever our team lost, they were there to cry with me, and if we win they were there to share the happiness with me. No matter what happen, they were always there by my side. These people have become more than my friends, they have become my second family.
Everybody will have fun when they are playing the sport that they love, just like I do. I got to hang out with my friend everyday and playing the sport that we all love. I got to travel to difference places. Nothing could be more fun than that. Also when I am in the game, it feels like I am in a whole new world. A world where nothing matter but fun and excitement.

Thank you so much!
Mina

Good afternoon.

Here are my suggestions:

"Sport. I don't know what people think when they hear the word sport. As for me, whenever I hear the word "sport", a picture of me playing soccer always comes to my mind. Ever since I was six, I had always loved to play soccer. Soccer is a very popular sport in my country, Vietnam. To me soccer means more than just a sport. It's a way of me showing people that there are many benefits one can get through playing just any sport. Playing soccer has provided me an opportunity to develop physical abilities, make long lasting friends, and most importantly, have fun.
When I was little, I know that I had a very weak body. I had to stay at home and miss school a lot because I was sick all the time. One day, I became so sick that my mom had to bring me to the hospital. When the doctor had finished with the check-up, I remember asking him one question "What do I need to do to not get sick all the time?" And he told me that I need to find a sport I love to play. He said that "Sports are also exercise!" And when you exercise you will become stronger and healthy and that will keep you from being sick all the time. After getting out of the hospital a day later, I immediately asked my mom to drive me to the sports store to get me a soccer ball. So I begin to play soccer ever since. As time passed, I realized that what the doctor told me that day was all true. By playing soccer everyday, it had helped me exercise on a regular basis; therefore, my body had became stronger and is able to defend against the viruses that were causing me to get sick.
I am very quite and shy, so it is extremely hard for me to make friends. Sometimes, I wish that I could be like those people who can easily make friends. But ever since I started playing soccer, my wish has slowly began to come true. I have met and become best friends with so many people. These people are the ones who share the same interests and the same passion for soccer like I do. They are the people that have gone through so many things with me. Whenever our team lost, they were there to cry with me, and if we won they were there to share the happiness with me. No matter what happened, they were always there by my side. These people have become more than my friends, they have become my second family.
Everybody will have fun when they are playing the sport that they love, just like I do. I got to hang out with my friend everyday and play the sport that we all love. I got to travel to difference places. Nothing could be more fun than that. When I am in the game, it feels like I am in a whole new world. A world where nothing matter but fun and excitement."

Nice job. You have some good examples supported by very descriptive experiences. Your flow is consistent, and your essay is organized. Keep up the good work.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com



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