Note to the reader - this essay is for a college level English class. Please keep this in mind when commenting. I think it is a weak essay, a bit repetitive, and I would like to know how it could be made to sound better and make more sense. Thanks!
CAUSE/EFFECT
I thought it would never happen to me again. Eventually, one grows too old for this sort of thing. An infatuation. A crush. Puppy love. Whatever it is called, it's one of those emotions that should remain imprinted in the innocent mind of a child, retrieved only through the sweet memories of a past left behind. Yet here I am, eighteen years old and definitely too old for this, but finding myself scribbling hearts in the margins of my notebooks at the thought of his big, brown eyes, waking up early in the morning because the butterflies in my stomach prevent me from sleeping, and smiling only at the thought of his name. Love is a funny thing. It acts on girl in ways that nothing else quite does, and it rarely ever happens to boys in the same way. Virtually every little girl goes through the crush phase and there are a number of symptoms of love that follow a simple, daily pattern and that can be observed once you know how to recognize the effects of love.
Every girl must learn to identify for herself the internal physical effects that love has on her body and that only she can feel within herself. She lies in bed, unable to close her eyes, relax, and sleep. Her mind is racing. Images of his face framed by his scruffy, blond hair and lit up by his wonderful, silly smile flash through her head. Her breath catches. Her heart skips a beat and then starts to drum the rhythmic pulse of an emotion that cannot be contained against her chest. Sleep is so far out of reach at this point, that she can only lie in bed and picture herself in his arms, the only girl for him, the one for whom his smiles are intended. She can't help but wonder why it has become so hard for her to fall asleep at night. Could it be that fluttering sensation in her stomach that agitates her to the point where not even sleep can soothe her thoughts? She tosses and turns from side to side, attempting to find a position that will provide the necessary comfort for sleep to claim her, until finally her mind shuts down and all is silent.
When a girl is in love, morning for her arrives just a little too quickly. She wakes up hours before she really has to and lies in bed trying to suppress him from her thought in an attempt to go back to sleep. It feels as though as she slept her thoughts of him had just burrowed themselves into the depths of her mind, only to resurrect more ardent and more pronounced than the night before. The butterflies that had finally settled in her stomach take flight, twice as agitated as they had been. The thought that she will soon see him stirs her and her anxiety increases exponentially. Her heart beats faster, her voice becomes unstable, and her stomach aches with excitement.
She walks into her first class of the day and he is already there, sitting on a desk surrounded by all his friends. He sees her and waves, smiling. She smiles back, and suddenly a rush of heat courses through every single cell of her body. The pupils of her beautiful dark eyes dilate to the point where the light reflects off the blackness giving the appearance of stars in her eyes. Her cheeks start to feel warm, and she becomes even more embarrassed at the realization that she a crimson glow has just made its way across her face. A friend pokes her in the ribs and tells her she looks like an idiot because her smile is so wide and enthusiastic.
She discreetly turns back to look at him and accidentally catches his eyes. He hops off the desk and walks towards her. "Oh, no," she thinks. "I'm blushing. He's going to know that I have a silly little crush on him!" Her palms are damp. Her voice won't come out right. Every single inch of her body seems to be emanating heat from the tip of her toes to the top of her scalp. To top it all off, she's all red. "How much worse can this get?" she thinks.
He stops a few feet away from her and grants her one of his exceptional smiles. "What's up?" he says. Two words, he spoke, and her heart leapt high into her chest. With those two silly words, her hands started to shake. Suddenly, she finds that her legs have turned to Jell-O, and her muscles aren't capable of supporting her body. She feels woozy as though inebriated by the sound of his masculine voice, that very same voice that she had been replaying over and over in her head as she attempted to fall asleep a few hours prior. Sometimes the least pronounced of the effects of love are the physical effects that others can observe. Not all people's bodies react in the same way when confronted with emotions they cannot comprehend and interpret. Some of the most common symptoms include blushing; sweating profusely, or just enough so that the palms of one's hands become moist; weakening of the joints, especially in the knees; smiling more than one ought; and increasing body temperature.
Throughout her next class, she has a hard time focusing. Doodles of hearts, flowers, and romantic swirls decorate the margins of her notes on the physiological responses to stress. "He actually spoke to me", she sighs as she write her name entwined to his amongst the roses and the "I love yous". PSYCH 101 is the last thing on her mind at the moment. Who can think of the fight or flight response when her heart is wrestling against the urge to explode? He is without a doubt the only thing occupying her thoughts now. Being single-minded is one of the many symptoms of a potent infatuation, and she is experiencing it to the fullest. The psychological effects of a crush are the most endangering for the victim. Once a girl finds herself psychologically affected by her feelings, she becomes confused and obsessed with the object of her affection. Flirting and attempting to impress the boy become her priority. Everything else comes second. Eventually, she will find herself behind in her studies because all the notes she took in class read, "I heart you, baby" and "I wish you liked me".
Though love may have a number of effects on a girl, the cause is usually just one: that one cute boy with the smile that can light up an entire room. I am too old for these adolescent feelings and responses, but sometimes it is fun to retrieve that childhood memory of your first crush, when you find yourself staring at the boy in your psychology class more than you should. The feelings that come with having a big crush on a boy are thrilling and emotionally confusing.
She walks back home, hand in hand with that boy smiling his cute smile directly at her. Her heart beats faster than it ever has. Her palms are damp, but then she realizes that his hands are equally wet, and that maybe he might feel the same rollercoaster of emotions when he is with her. She smiles at the thought of this. Maybe the effects of love on a boy are not that different after all.
Yet here I am, eighteen years old and definitely too old for this
Eighteen years old is not too old for any kind of love, puppy or otherwise. After all, "puppy love" and "crush" just refer to attraction experienced by an immature person. If you are older and more mature, it is not just a crush. It is ordinary attraction.
...there are
a number of symptoms of love that follow a simple, daily pattern and that can be observed once you know how to recognize the effects of love. (So, is this the main idea of the essay? Yes, as I continue to read I see that it is. Good thesis statement!)
Wow, very good writing here: When a girl is in love, morning for her arrives just a little too quickly.
Google this: imagery words list
Try to use more imagery words.
The ending of this is great, and it is high quality writing throughout. But does it fulfill the requirements of the assignment? If you have particular criteria to fulfill, you should carefully put the elements in place. For example, google this:
cause effect essay
See if your essay has all the elements recommended. It is good writing, but I wonder if it fulfills the assignment requirements.
:-)
