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EFFECTS OF INDUSTRIALIZATION TO ENVIRONMENT AND ECONOMY


answers: 6
QUESTION: Industrialization is felt even in developing countries. What are the effects to economy and environment?


We cannot build a dam around the rivers of industrial progress in this day and age, but human as we are, we also are unable to close your eyes to the effects of this raging river.

Many people say that the improvement of major industries all over the world has significantly boost economic performance. The impact of this growth spurt can even be felt in less developed countries like ours; however, while our economy grows stronger our environment becomes weaker as a result. Undeniably, the effects of improved industries are not all good as Mother Earth suffers its consequences.

I am a witness to the damaging effects. In my own hometown, there used to be a river flowing from the hills of Busay. As time went by malls were built along its side. People started to migrate on its riverbanks. A school popped out on its eastern section and dormitories sprang on river bed. As a result, the river disappeared among the canals of poor sewage management. Until one stormy day, it just came to life from hills attacking the roads, since its flowing waters cannot be stopped, people suffered although no one was hurt. This is just one of the clear examples of how industrial growth, good as it may be, can also harm the world we are living in.

I am not saying that economic growth is negatively affecting the world we live in as there is always a flipside to a coin. What I am trying to imply is that we should find ways on how to balance both.

Therefore, even though industrial boom is a good thing, we should always be mindful of its effects so as not to be sorry in the end.

shofa_nefertete:
We cannot build a dam around the rivers of industrial progress

Whoa! I first took this literally, and the sentence didn't make any sense. Now that I've read it again, I can see it's a metaphor -- a good one.
shofa_nefertete:
we also are also unable to close your eyes to the effects of this raging river.


Many people say that the improvement of major industries all over the world has significantly boosted economic performance.
shofa_nefertete:
As a result, the river disappeared among the canals of poor sewage management.

I didn't understand this. Is that another metaphor? That would be one too many.

Here you need a semicolon
Until one stormy day, it just came to life from hills attacking the roads; since its flowing waters cannot be stopped, people suffered although no one was hurt.
shofa_nefertete:
What I am trying to imply is that we should find ways on how to balance both.

Therefore, even though industrial boom is a good thing, we should always be mindful of its effects so as not to be sorry in the end.

You introduced a new idea in the end. Don't do that. A conclusion should generally sum up the points made in the essay -- not introduce new ones.
all over the world has significantly boosted economic performance. The impact of this growth spurt can even be felt in less developed countries like ours (name the country); however, while our economy grows...

... we should find ways on how to balance both economic growth and environmental responsibility..

:-)

The example about the river is great! You write very well; thanks for all your participation lately at EssayForum.
Your text as it should read: "One stormy day, it just came to life from hills attacking the roads. Since its flowing waters could not be stopped, people suffered, although no one was hurt."

Comment: Do not use a semi-colon after roads as one responder said. Use a period. Why? Semi-colons are used when the text of each part uses a similar construction syntactically. As in,

"One stormy day, it just came to life from hills attacking the roads; floods cascading through like ammunition; and rubble bowling with the peoples' houses as if they were pins."

Each piece of text is balanced in its structure.

In your essay, "roads" is followed by a subordinate clause of the main thought "people suffered". It has a different structure from the previous thought , which is the object of the preposition "from" (i.e. From what?...From hills...) followed by a participle phrase "attacking the roads". To connect these two very different structures would be unbalanced, awkward rhythmically and not good English.

Also, put a comma after "suffered" as it is followed by an independent clause. I would probably use brackets instead of a comma, as it is an aside thought.

Change the verb from "cannot be stopped" (present) to "could not"--past conditional-- to agree with time sense as in "came" (past)

2nd paragraph, 2nd line: use a period (.) after "ours" It is the end of a complete thought. "however" starts a new thought so should be capitalized.



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