IELTS - Effect of movies and computer games containing violence

Hi All,

Can you please spend some time to review this essay. Your feedback means a lot to me.

Nowadays movies and computer games containing violence are very popular. Some people believe that they have negative effect on the society and should be banned, others, however, believe that it is harmless entertainment. Discuss both vies and give your own opinion.

In recent times, the growing popularity of media promoting violent video games and movies can be seen among the people of all ages. The impact of violent content in our entertainment has always been a topic of argument. Many people think they have negative influence on the individual and society and therefore should be prohibited. However, others feel that these are form of a mere entertainment that causes no harm. Both the opinions will be critiqued before a reasoned conclusion is reached.

On the one hand, it is often cited that popularity of violent movies and online games is one of the primary causes of increase in number of mass violence and restricting society from such films or games is a probable solution. Regular access to these media turns humans to sociopaths. They either behave aggressively or suffer from a fear phobia. The effect is even worse for children. Being immature, they tend to fantasize about killing people as a way to show their anger. The real life examples are Columbine High School shooters Dylan Harris and Eric Klebold who were avid computer gamers. Thus, the example shows the merits of the argument against fierce video content.

On the other hand, violent films and computer games are often treated as only entertainment. When people watch or play such video they are well aware of the fact that the negative sequences have been captured only for their enjoyment. People either consider them as a leisure activity or spend time on them as an admirer of work of art. Furthermore, many science fictions or fight scenes are so absurd that it is quite understandable that they will never happen in real life. For instance, the free-falls shown in Bond movies are pretty far from reality. Thus, it is seen why movies and computer games containing violent subject are even considered as harmless entertainment.

To conclude, it can be said that although violent films and internet games are treated simply as entertainment by many, they significant negative impact on the society. So, it is felt that these media contents should be banned.

Hi msarkar,

This sentence


is pretty long and need to be reduced in order to increase the clarity.

I think the above sentence still needs one conjuntion to reach its complete meaning

Another suggestion,

If you finally decide to stand in the former statement


It is highly suggested to put its supporting paragraph at the end due to cohesive aspect

On the one hand, it is often cited that popularity of violent movies and online games isare one of the primary causes of increase in number of mass violence and restricting society from such films or games is a probable solution.

Well, I like you begin another line for the second idea as this sentence is pretty long. Longer the sentence, harder it is for the reader to remember details. You should always keep the reader satisfied by giving him less work ...LOL

You write very well and I am sure you can aim for a very good score :)

Thanks Dumi...your words are very encouraging. I'll try to improve on the points you mentioned.

they have significant negative impact on the society

to make it more interesting to read, you can add a suggestion or recommendation to the readers,

even this essay opens for discussion or both views, it is always nicer if you state your opinion in the end of the introduction


This example is too vague. Make your example more specific by asking journalistic questions: how many? when? what? who? results?