the topic is
Educational benefits of computers
Can you imagine how academic life would be like without computers? Writing letters, essays , editing and saving information would be completely exhausting. What is more, looking for information would be almost impossible. However, computers have simplified students work throughout the academic year. Despite the difficulties of learning how to use them, computers can be practical and helpful.
The most important benefit of computers is their practicability. A single machine allows students to calculate, to write essays and to search for information while listening to music. For example, Office package includes a spreadsheet program, a word processor and a presentation program. What is more, It includes a grammar and spelling check, which simplifies edition. At the same time, the student can listen to music, watch a video, record a CD, or chat with friends. In short, any computer shares the characteristics of a radio, a television, a telephone, a notebook, and a calculator together with tools for organization, for multimedia presentations and for grammatical corrections.
Another benefit of computers is the assistance they provide to students. For example, with the help of a computer, files can be easily organized and adequately separated in folders according to subject. In addition, they can be retrieved by using the computer's search tool. Another example of how they are helpful is the capacity to store a large amount of information. By using the Internet, a student can download a great number of files of different sizes which can be saved on the computer's hard disk. E-books, audiobooks, movies and programs on school subjects can be downloaded and stored for the student benefit.
In conclusion, Computers have become an essential tool for students and without them, academic work would be wearying. The ability to store and execute different programs makes computers extremely practical and helpful for students benefit.
Well. I hope you can help me with some corrections, anything you would add or change is also wellcome
Lorena Costilla
Lorena,
Overall - nice work. Your thesis includes the actual summary of the content, and your essay has two distinct sections - on how computers facilitate multitasking, and on how they help organize information. That's nice - I like it that you keep all the material in its proper section. In other words, when you talk about multitasking, you don't talk about organization, and in the second section you only discuss organization and thus keep it clean. Nice.
As for the thesis statement - it could use some work. Here's the issue: you begin the essay by insinuating that life without computers would stink. In fact, you devote first three sentences to that part of the argument. And then you use the word "however" and describe the second part of the argument, which is that computers make students' lives so much better.
You see, your thesis presents two larger sections - 1. how life would be without computers (exhausting and impossible, according to you), and 2. how life is so easy with computers. But in your essay you only discuss the second part. Do you see what I mean?
You could do one of two things:
Either:
1. Write out a nice little two-part section in which you describe how life would be (and was before computers became available) without computers. It would be a two-part section because you have two topics: multitasking and organization of information. And when you're done with that, you could present the rest of your essay the way you already have it.
OR:
2. Just remove the unnecessary stuff from your thesis and stick to your main point, which is that computers improve students' lives in two ways: first, they allow students to multitask, and second, they help organize information.
Hope this helps,
Phil
TutorPhilBlog.com
TutorPhil
Thanks, for your help. You know I will change, then, the introduction a bit, because I'm limitated to 300 words, so it is the best option.
Thanks again!
Lorena
Phil, you are making this site a better place and promoting your service in a very cool way. I'm glad you're participating!
Here is some grammar/punctuation help to go with the help pertaining to the thesis.
In conclusion, Computers computers... no need to capitalize it!
In conclusion, computers have become an essential tool for ...
"computers" is plural. "tool" is singular. The rule is called "number agreement." The numbers have to agree, so put singular with singular and plural with plural:
In conclusion, computers have become an essential tools for students, and without them academic work would be wearying. ---- I MOVED A COMMA, TOO!
:-)
Use an apostrophe:
...and helpful for students' benefit.
