Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 6


Early human development is strongly influenced by nature


Alshebah 1 / 1  
Apr 14, 2009   #1
For thousands of years the idea existences at the time was that the babies were small adults. They were born as their parents and they have the same knowledge which will grow with them as they grew up. However, it was rejected by the British philosopher John Locker. He stated that babies are born with a "blank Slate" mind and they acquire their knowledge through the environment. This essay will focus in the nurture impact in the early human development.

The environment has a profound impact and effective in the life of the infant and also in his personality, the early human development is affected by what is happening around. Nurture has strong influence in the way of thinking in the child's and also in his character.

The parents also play important part in the baby early development. For example, the mother if she is in diet or if she drink or smoke all these could badly effect in the infants. Also the conduct of the family also one of the important parts in the early stage in the baby life, also the status of the child in the family has impact in the early development especially the behavior of the baby is effected strongly by the environment and the atmosphere of the child.

It's clear that the environment have strong impact in the early human development. For example, The voice of thunder and lightning and the glow of the barking dog, the sound of the wind and the capacity of the sea and the loneliness of darkness, all these concerns are make the baby to by confusion and make him to scare and conceder all these as enemy.

It is very important in the role of education is to, answer the child calm and satisfaction and the simplicity of love and openness for all his questions about the rain and sun, the moon and the stars and the sea of darkness and thunder what would please him and satisfy himself and this could by use as evidence to confirm the importance that the environment play in the early human development.

In conclusion, there is no dopt that the nurture is play important part in the early human development and has influence in the child behavior and way of thinking. Parents should think careful about their children and try to offer them healthy environment.

Thanks,
Gautama 6 / 133  
Apr 14, 2009   #2
The first paragraph should have the thesis statement. You say that you will be talking about the impact of nurture in early human development but we need to know what you are going to be saying about it. What is the overall message you want to convey about the impact of nurture?

The topic sentences for the 2nd and 4th paragraphs are basically the same. Combine these 2 paragraphs or make them have their own distinct ideas.

The 5th paragraph is just one long run-on sentence. To be honest I really have no idea what it is trying to say. Instead of saying "and" a bunch of times break the sentence up into smaller sentences. Also this just kind of seems like a list of examples to support the idea that the environment affects early development. You already have all the other paragraphs talking about this. I guess you are trying to focus on education. Try to go into a little more depth.

The reason that we break up lines of text into paragraphs is so that we can separate them based on the main ideas that they have. Basically the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th paragraphs all have the same main idea but use different examples to talk about it. Try to sit down and really think about the different topics that you can discuss for this essay then write paragraphs about those topics and dont deviate. The paragraph breaks here seem a little arbitrary and I can't tell what the difference is (besides examples) about what you are trying to tell use about how nurture affects early development from paragraph to paragraph.

I know it's rough but post some revisions and it will only keep looking better and better. :)
OP Alshebah 1 / 1  
Apr 14, 2009   #3
Thank you for your advise.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Apr 15, 2009   #4
The environment has a profound impact and effective in the life of the infant and also in his personality, the early human development is affected by what is happening around.

This is sort of stating the obvious, because you already said you are going to talk about "nurture." It is a good sentence, though, so make it usable by including some thoughtful point... like:

The environment has a profound impact and effective in the life of the infant and also in his personality; the early human development is affected by what is happening aroundthe first thoughts humans have outside the womb are thoughts about environmental stimuli.

You need to make a clever argument, so that the essay is impressive. You need to read an essay by someone who thinks "nature" is a lot more influential, and argue in terms of points made by that opposing argument. You can enjoy this if you really express yourself through it.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Apr 22, 2009   #5
I agree with Tyler and Kevin. You need to come up with a stronger thesis. Try defining "important" when you say that nurture has an important impact upon early human development. Really, you might even want to consider focusing on the interplay between nature and nurture, rather than focusing on just one. Virtually all scientists agree that both nature and nurture are important in a child's development -- the really interesting disagreements all center around what sort of balance exists between them.
SairaTasartir 5 / 37  
Apr 22, 2009   #6
Is this supposed to be a five paragraph essay, or a 4? For a standard, five paragraph essay, this is the simplified structure:

Paragraph one: Hooker, Thesis, 3 points. (For example, EF_Sean's "My father has taught me to be _____, ______, and _____,")

Paragraph two: Explain the first topic in your three points.

Paragraph three: Transition, then explain the second topic of your three points.

Paragraph Four: Transition, then explain the third topic of your three points.

Paragraph Five: Restate your thesis, summarize your three points, and reach a conclusion.

Good luck!


Home / Writing Feedback / Early human development is strongly influenced by nature
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳