I always dreamed of being a doctor

I wanted to become a doctor when i grow up. My desire to became a doctor is when my grandfather, who was suffered from cancer died.My parents always brought me to visit him every weekend. I was young by that time, I was only 9 years old, I didn't even know what is cancer! So I asked a lot of questions as to why my grandfather need to stay at the hospital for such a long time. At that time, my mother answered me that he was suffered from some sort of sickness which could harm his health.

I was scared until my mum said that doctors will make sure that my grandfather pulls through his sickness. That's when my dreamed changed to doctor. When I was ten, I joined st. John, I learned all the basics of saving lives such as, transporting patients, putting on bandage, CPR and other theories. I was praised due to the performance I did and was chosen by teacher to be the leader of st.john to standard 4.

I felt happy when I was able to help others. When I grow up, I wish I could help others from suffering sickness and serve for the society in true manner.

Its kinda short, but I am running out of ideas!! Any ideas or help is appreciated, THX!!

What is your limit on this essay.
My propose to you is to tell the full story. Such as:
"My desire to became a doctor is when my grandfather, who was suffered from cancer died.My parents always brought me to visit him every weekend. I was young by that time, I was only 9 years old, I didn't even know what is cancer! "

Between those 2 sentence, i can feel the full story to tell such as how pale your granpa or how ignorant you were to cancer. and so on. Just tell the story doesn't bring much emotion, tell emotion in full details. If you're colorful, try excessive adj

200 words

First, what is the purpose of this writing? It's good for us to know that to provide you with more relevant feed backs. I guess it is just a class room type of essay about your ambition. Is that so?


I always dreamed of becoming a doctor one day. This desire of mine was nurtured by watching how my grandfather suffered from a cancer.


I feel you need to organize your ideas better. They seem to be a bit sporadically presented. First, note down the main ideas roughly and then arrange them in a more logical sequence. Then start writing sentences.

My dream to become a doctor was nurtured by watching my grandfather suffer from cancer.

OR

My desire to become a doctor was nurtured by watching my grandfather suffer from cancer.

Sorry---couldn't resist.

An effective writer doesn't waste words. Remove the filler and add NEW ideas.

Also, the verb "nurtured" doesn't have the proper connotations for this context.