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We need more efficiency and security so the machine work is better


lily2012 3 / 8 1  
Dec 26, 2012   #1
Thank you for your coming. There may be some mistakes or blurry expression in my esseay that I haven't notice yet. Could you help me point them out? Well, if your are available and help me revise them, I may really, really, really appreciate it.^-^

Which is better, doing work by machine or doing work by hand?

In modern industrial societies, people can always find many ways to finish same work, like using machines or doing by hand, etc, but bring people different results.For those living in a big modern city, doing work by machine is better than by hand because of the efficiency and security that the modern machines bring to people.

Yes, machines could extend the boundaries of human capabilities and do promote our efficiency. The most well-known evidence is that the great development of astronomy technology occurred in the world with machines. For example, computer, the most brilliant brain-like machine, help scientists to deal with much huge work efficiently, such as processing data, modeling and analyzing unknown models. If they are doing it only by hand, it may be a pretty heavy workload. Had we invented computer, we could had not get such precise trajectory data from the earth to the moon,let alone sent human to the moon. With computer's help, it is efficient to get the exact processed data and research virtual modelling and stimulation technology. What's more, some of machines, such as those which could make it more easy to build a giant rocket than by little man's/woman's hand.

Furthermore, machine can help humans out of repeated work with even more accuracy and security. People don't like repeat, boring work for a lone time and might make some mistakes. It's human nature. For instance, in the past, a conventional train needed two or more drivers who have to carefully drive from one station to another station. That made them feel a little more boring but really exhausted. However,today it is another matter. we have intellectual machines equipmented with automatic control system. Not only could those machines give the freedom for drivers but also give more security from one's careless mistakes.

However, something cannot be handled good enough by machines, especially basic math practice for children. Take myself for example. when my primary teacher taught me math about basic addtion and subtraction, she didn't want to find that I worked out the results just by calculator, a lovely machine I was used to think. For a little lazy girl, It could set me free from boring calculating. But both my math teacher and my parents believe that it's good to practice my left brain by hand calculating. Finally, it works well and I need to thank myself that I did it by hand since I grasped the basic math common skills and more, using my brain and not being lazy.

All in all, I confirm that using machine to finish work could be better than just using hand when we need more efficiency and security,except necessary basic brain practice time without lazy.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Dec 26, 2012   #2
In modern industrial societies, people can always find many ways to finish same work, like using machines or doing by hand, etc, but bring people different results.

... this last part fails to establish a link. You better have a separate sentence for that;
In modern industrial societies people have many options to handle their jobs such as using tools, machines or simply with their hands.

The most well-known evidence is that the great development of astronomy technology occurred in the world with machines.

.... astronomy technology? what do you mean? You better describe this more!
joythblessy 86 / 272 15  
Dec 26, 2012   #3
Hai....
: For those living in a big modern city===> what about a lady in a village, using mixer grinder instead of traditional grinding stone...?
In this technological era some people feel doing work with...
:Yes, machines... more formal...====>Undoubtedly...
: ASTRONOMY TECHNOLOGY...?
: Furthermore, machine can help humans out of repeated work with even more accuracy and security.=====>furthermore...machines can relieve human from repeated work even with more..

;People don't like repeat, boring work for a lone time and might make some ====>for a long time and...
:That made them feel a little more===> That made them feels a little more

:Not only could those machines give the freedom for drivers but also give more security from one's careless mistakes :===>these machines not only gives freedom for drivers, but also provides more safety from careless mistakes.

However, today it is another matter. we have intellectual machines equipmented with automatic control system===> another matter is that we have equipped with intellectual machines with automatic...

: You used However, more than once, so change one, use nevertheless....
: However, something cannot be handled good enough by machines, especially basic math practice for children===> However, there are so many things, which cannot be handled well enough by machines, especially basic math practice for children.

For a little lazy girl, It could set me free from boring calculating:===> As a little lazy...boring calculations
Conclusion also there is some problem...

Tessy
OP lily2012 3 / 8 1  
Jan 1, 2013   #4
Thank you very much!~

I will try my best to revise them!~
OP lily2012 3 / 8 1  
Jan 1, 2013   #5
Carefull work! I have learned more from your suggestion!

Mix grinder is good example!

Astronomy technology? I mean "lunar mission" , something like that.

That made them feels a little more ===> That made them feel a little more
e.g. You make me feel so sweet.

Thank you~ ^-^


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