Disadvantages of taking a break after high school essay- college essay

I'm writing this essay for my college so they can score me in order for me to be in a higher english class. The prompt is below and the essay is under it. It had to be at least 400 words.

Prompt: Some students discover that they really need to take a break between high school and college, and they choose to delay their admission for at least a year. Discuss at least three advantages or disadvantages (not both) to taking such a break.

Essay: (Thesis)After graduating from high school, some students decide to take at least a one year break before attending college. By taking this break, they put themselves at an disadvantage that cost could them in the long run when it comes to retaining material they learned in high school & the time it would take to get their degree as well as deciding if they really want to attend college after the break.

Students are discouraged about attending college after taking a break after high school because they've been away from education for that short period. Sometimes students are sidetracked by events that are happening in their everyday lives. A study at John Hopkins University concluded that students who took a break after college were most likely sidetracked by marriage and became parents before they decided to attend college. Many students grow comfortable working their minimum salary jobs and feel as though that is enough to get them through life; however, they don't realize that eventually they'll need to earn a degree in order to make a decent living in the future.

By taking a break from college, students often forget what they've learned in high school. The majority of students who attend college right after high school retain a lot of what they've learned in the past years; however, students who take a break end up forgetting majority of what they've learned. When students forget what they've learned during the break, they have a harder time getting back on track when it comes to college. It can also take extra years just to earn a degree, it puts them one year behind. Students who take breaks end up not graduating with the their original class.

When headed towards college, many students keep in contact with their high school counselors. The high school counselors continue to advise the students and can sometimes find resources that help the student. Delays in education can cause students become economically disadvantaged in the future. Not only that but, the students future is put in jeopardy and their future families as well. A high school diploma isn't enough anymore and a associate degree isn't much either which is why students shouldn't delay their education. A year may seem like a small break but that small break could turn into a permanent break which could cost a person in the long run. Students should choose to go directly to college so they're not at an disadvantage when it comes to life.

Hey Lisa, honestly it is an "OK" essay, but it can be better.
1) Your thesis statement is too "general"..try to spice it up a little. For example, try using stats to prove your point about teens waiting awhile to go off to college..just using a number here but you could say, "23% teenagers who are fresh out of high school with no pathway to a career decide to float away from college until they are completely decisive on the career they want to pursue.." then go into more details.

2) When using examples from schools try to give stats that support that evidence.

3) Just giving some helpful advice try to enhance your vocabulary and sentence structure a little bit more,. Reading the same sentence structure can get very boring and will send this paper to the discard pile quickly.

You have a general idea of what you want to talk about, but you need to make it more sophisticated and maybe try to become personal with the essay. What are your thoughts about this issue? Would you agree or disagree?

I hope this helped you. Overall, good essay! : )